Do golden children and teachers’ pets really have it easier than others? From the outside, it looks like privilege: more praise, more attention, more opportunities. If you are a golden child yourself or know somebody out of your close circle, you know that this sword is double-sided.

Inside the family, the role of golden child or the impact of favoritism comes with pressure. This pressure is so omnipresent that it tends to follow people in adulthood. You grow up believing you must always excel, never disappoint, and constantly live up to an image that wasn’t yours to choose.

This article explains the meaning of the term “golden child”. Who are golden children? How does this role impact their lives? And how to address this syndrome in adulthood?

What Is the Meaning of a Golden Child?

A golden child is the child in a family who is favored over other children or family members. Golden child syndrome isn’t an official diagnosis, but it’s one of the popular family systems used in psychology.

Golden children aren’t born, they’re made. Parents may make their hopes and unfulfilled expectations a responsibility for a golden child meaning these children will receive more praise because parents see themselves in their offspring.

What are the roles of golden children in a family dynamic?

• Get consistent praise.
• It can serve as an example parent to compare their other children to.
• Their mistakes can be overlooked or justified.
• Due to their exceptionality, they have high expectations.
• They are expected to be mature.
• Other kids can be blamed for the golden child’s mistakes.

Common Traits of a Golden Child

People who share similar upbringings and challenges tend to share many traits as they grow up. So are golden children who show predictable psychological and behavioral patterns:

• Perfectionism.
  • Feeling like you can’t make a mistake because you’d be judged or people will be disappointed in you.
  • Needing to be in control of everything.
  • Being sensitive to criticism or even comments about your appearance or performance.
  • Not feeling satisfied after achieving small wins.
• High achievement drive.
  • Pushing yourself academically and professionally to meet expectations and not to disappoint parents.
  • Difficulty relaxing.
  • Viewing personal weaknesses as failures.
• People-pleasing tendencies.
  • Inability to say “no” to people, especially your parents.
  • Downplaying your emotions just to avoid conflict.
  • Ignoring your needs and plans just to satisfy the needs of others.
• Parentification.
  • Taking on adult responsibilities early.
  • Not liking “childish” games in childhood.
  • Soothing parents when they have troubles in their personal and professional lives.
• Leadership skills.
  • Inherent responsibility.
  • Fostering trust and respect as opposition to high expectations.
  • Great delegating skills.

How Golden Child Syndrome Impacts a Person

Growing up as the “golden child” shapes a person in complex, often contradictory ways. Golden child syndrome creates both strengths and wounds. Understanding both sides is essential to focus on one’s strengths and cope with difficulties.

Benefits of Being a Golden Child

• Praise. Although toxic praise is more harmful than useful, many golden children are well aware of their strengths due to their parents praising them for it. Unfortunately, this knowledge about strengths can be lost in self-doubt and obsession with weaknesses.
• High achievement orientation. Golden children have a higher chance of achieving something in life because of the discipline and meeting constantly high expectations. The high achievement of golden children is sometimes compared to army training: harsh, but effective.
• Leadership skills. Years of being positioned as the “example” for siblings lead to confidence and problem-solving abilities.
• Strong work ethic. The expectation to always do well teaches golden children to push through challenges and stay committed. That’s why golden children who underwent therapy hold C-level positions or have their own successful businesses.

Challenges of a Golden Child Syndrome

Despite looking “privileged” from the outside, the golden child role is emotionally demanding and painful. No good outcomes or temporary benefits can compare with the challenges and costs of being a golden child. Some of the most common experiences are:

• Success as a condition for love. When praise is tied to achievement, children internalize the belief that affection must be earned. As adults, they may push themselves to maintain their values, even though those values aren’t tied to accomplishments anymore.
• Fear of failure and rejection. Golden children might grow up terrified of disappointing others. This fear causes various challenges in adulthood, such as not taking healthy risks, deviating from family expectations, choosing a partner they want, etc.
• People-pleasing that erases boundaries. Being the “easy,” “helpful,” or “good” child trains them to prioritize others’ needs. People-pleasing in adulthood puts people at a higher risk of burnout or resentment against their loved ones.
• Identity confusion. A golden child might never have a chance to understand their own preferences because they were forced to carry on their parents’ legacy. Their entire identity can feel constructed around expectations, and inauthenticity is hard to address when you’re an adult.
• The need to grow up quickly. Many golden children grow up carrying adult responsibilities, from managing emotions to caring for siblings. This accelerates maturity but deprives them of a real childhood.

The Mental Health Cost of Being a Golden Child Syndrome

The reason why golden child syndrome is a syndrome is not because it’s a medical condition, but because it has distinct signs. And these signs aren’t usually pleasant.

Golden children are prone to developing some mental health conditions, not because they’re weaker, but because of the challenges they go through in childhood (described in the previous section). Common mental health consequences include:

• Anxiety and chronic stress. Develops from the constant need to achieve, a permanent state of pressure, and unattainable expectations.
• Depression. Rest is a natural human need, but rest is never praised when you’re a golden child. So aren’t mistakes. Burnout and a toxic view of self-worth increase the risk of developing depression.
• Development of narcissistic traits. Parents who force favoritism on children might have narcissistic traits that get projected onto a golden child. These narcissistic traits show up in need of control, seeking validation, a sense of entitlement, fragile self-esteem, etc.
• Sleep disturbances. High expectations and internalized pressure make it hard to relax. Some sleep problems include insomnia, nightmares, trouble falling asleep, or staying up.
• Substance use as coping. Without knowledge about healthy coping mechanisms, some adults turn to alcohol, stimulants, or other substances to manage stress and self-doubt.
• Self-isolation. Difficulty relating to others and the fear of being perceived as imperfect may lead to withdrawal from friendships, dating, or shared activities. Another reason for self-isolation is the denial of emotions. One way in which golden child syndrome shows up is through the stigmatization of emotion and the praise of productivity.

In many ways, the golden child grows up learning how to “perform,” while struggling internally. These fights are invisible, even to the person experiencing them, until something forces them to confront the weight they’ve been carrying for years.

How to Overcome Golden Child Syndrome in Adulthood

Healing from golden child syndrome requires unlearning years of conditioning, especially the belief that your worth depends on what you achieve rather than who you are. However, healing the golden child is possible with these exercises.

Acknowledge and Challenge Unrealistic Beliefs about Yourself

• Write down the adjectives with which you’d describe yourself, such as “smart,” “responsible,” and “always right.”
• Try to recall words/situations when parents made you feel this way, for example, they seemed disappointed when you made a mistake or brought a “B” from school.
• Look at the noted antonyms and write down their antonyms, such as “responsible – irresponsible” or “always right can make mistakes.”
• Recall the situations in your past when you corresponded with the antonym.

This exercise shows you that you’re not your parents’ projections or expectations, or the ones you put on yourself.

Stop Seeking External Validation

• Identify your values: what truly matters to you? Money, family, health, your own peace?
• Write down your wins, skills, accomplishments, strengths, etc.
• Challenge negative inner thoughts. They are truly sneaky, but if you catch one in action, try to think whether it’s really what you think or an echo from the past or the voices of toxic people around you.

This exercise can help golden children build a reliable support system within themselves. If they already have something validating so close, why would they seek validation elsewhere?

Set Healthy Boundaries with Family Members

• Clearly communicate what behaviors you won’t tolerate.
• Stay consistent, even if they push back. Don’t make exceptions.
• If nothing improves, reduce contact to protect your emotional safety.
• Stop taking care of the needs of family members who don’t see your help or take it for granted.

Learn to Recognize Your Own Needs, Desires, and Emotions

• Recall past joys: What do you enjoy doing? Did you have any hobbies in childhood that you forgot about? Even something small, like Indian food, certain types of videos, specific book tropes, etc.
• Ask “what if”: What if you won a lottery? What would you do with your life? What would your everyday look like?
• Take small action every day: Do something that you like every day to know what pleases you so that you can build your life around being happy.

Try Family Therapy or Reach Out to a Mental Health Professional

If your family is open to change, therapy can help address long-standing dynamics. If not, individual therapy offers support as you unlearn perfectionism, understand your emotional triggers, and build a more secure identity. 

FAQs about Golden Child Syndrome