from Self-Abandonment to Healing and Empowerment

Many people find that the issue of “self-abandonment” is a significant obstacle to the difficult process of self-discovery and personal growth. It is a topic that is often taboo, but it may have a big impact on our relationships, self-worth, and overall well-being.

In-depth discussions of self-abandonment, including its definition, causes, and—above all—solutions, are provided in this blog. As we embark on a life-changing self-exploration, we’ll share our discoveries and practical tips to help you regain your feeling of value and build a more fulfilling life. Let’s embark on this journey of empowerment together.

What is Self Abandonment?

Self-abandonment is a pattern of ignoring your thoughts, feelings, and needs. It can manifest in many different ways, such as:

• Prioritizing others over yourself
• Putting your needs on the back burner
• Ignoring your gut feelings
• Staying in toxic relationships
• Engaging in self-destructive behaviors

Childhood experiences are frequently the source of self-abandonment. As a child, you might have learned to leave yourself to live if your needs weren’t satisfied or your feelings weren’t acknowledged.

The physical and mental effects of self-abandonment can be catastrophic. Relationship issues, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression might result from it.

Why do we abandon ourselves?

We might abandon ourselves due to a lack of self-trust for many reasons. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Childhood experiences. If we didn’t have our needs met or our feelings validated as children, we may have learned to abandon ourselves to survive. This can be especially true if we experience abuse or neglect.
• Low self-esteem. If we don’t believe we are worthy of love and respect, we are more likely to abandon ourselves. This can be due to several factors, such as unmet needs in childhood, bullying, or criticism from others.
• Perfectionism. If we have unrealistic expectations, we are likelier to feel like we are not good enough. This can lead us to abandon ourselves to meet our impossible standards.
• People-pleasing. If we are always trying to please others, seeking validation from others, we may neglect our needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment and self-abandonment typically.
• Trauma. Traumatic experiences can lead us to disconnect from ourselves and our emotions to cope. This can make it difficult to meet our needs and care for ourselves.

Self-abandonment is not a choice. It is a coping mechanism that we may develop in response to difficult experiences. Once we become aware of our self-abandonment patterns, we can heal and learn to care for ourselves better.

Related: Escaping from Reality – Avoidance Or Healing?

Examples of self-abandonment

Here are some examples of self-abandonment:

putting the needs of others above your own. This could manifest as consistently accepting requests from people, even when you’re feeling overburdened, or repressing your desire to assist others.

putting your needs on hold. Examples of this include working long hours without breaks, napping because you have too much to accomplish or missing meals.

ignoring your instincts. Staying in a relationship you know isn’t healthy or attending a job interview for a position you don’t want are examples of this.

continuing to be in unhealthy relationships. Staying in a love relationship with someone who is violent or neglectful or maintaining a friendship with someone who constantly puts you down are examples of this.

avoiding conflicts. Avoiding conflict means not addressing or resolving disagreements, conflicts, or issues. Maintaining peace and harmony is often more important to them than settling conflicts, which can have negative long-term implications on relationships with others and the workplace.

co-dependency. Codependency is a relationship pattern in which one person’s emotional well-being and sense of self are excessively dependent on another. It usually means lending a hand or being overly dependent on a partner, friend, or relative, which results in codependent and unhealthy relationships that emphasize self-abandonment.

Related: 11 Ways To Figure Out Why You Feel Like “What’s wrong with me”

10 Ways to Stop Self Abandonment

Here are coping mechanisms;

1. Allow yourself to have feelings and needs.

Prioritizing feelings and needs isn’t selfish. It shows self-respect and affection. By meeting your emotional and physical needs, you may help others and develop stronger connections.

Allow yourself emotions and wants, especially while addressing self-abandonment. I’ve experienced how easy it is to dismiss our feelings to please others or maintain harmony.

Your feelings, needs, and desires count. They’re part of who you are; admitting them is the first step to healing and empowerment.

Sad, furious, glad, or any other emotion is fine. Don’t criticize your feelings. Emotions are natural and reveal your life’s happenings. Let yourself feel and express your feelings to honor yourself.

Honor your feelings, follow your intuition, and speak up. This powerfully stops self-abandonment and starts self-discovery and progress. You deserve to be yourself.

2. Allow yourself to be creative and unique.

 Being creative and distinctive is a lovely method to fight self-abandonment. It’s easy to adapt to society’s norms or expectations. However, you are a unique creation that should be celebrated.

Creativeness is your gift to the world. Whether you express yourself through painting, literature, problem-solving, or other means, your creative energy defines you. When you suppress it, you miss out on self-discovery and growth.

Being creative and distinctive is about being yourself, not pleasing others. You should embrace your eccentricities, interests, and dreams. Self-acceptance and self-love begin with embracing your uniqueness.

3. Stand up for yourself.

Learning to defend oneself is crucial to healing from self-abandonment. This involves prioritizing your needs even if it means declining others. It also implies standing up for yourself when mistreated.

If you’re used to giving up, standing up for yourself can be daunting. But you deserve respect and kindness. You deserve satisfaction.

Determine what you need to be happy and healthy. You can advocate for your needs once you know them.

You can say no, even if you want to please. You can also take time for yourself despite other obligations. Set boundaries to conserve energy and take care of yourself. Communicate clearly and directly. Avoid evasion and passive voice.

When you start to stand up for yourself, some people may not be happy about it. They may try to guilt-trip you or make you feel bad about yourself. But it’s important to stay strong and stay true to your needs.

Related: 6 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

4. Take Control Of Your Mental Health

Avoid self-abandonment by managing your mental health. Abandoning yourself neglects your needs and wants. Anxiety, despair, and low self-esteem can result. You can recover from self-abandonment’s mental health effects. Take care of yourself, seek help, and consider your feelings.

Asking for help is not weak. It’s effective. Take up counseling, meditation, or other mental health methods that appeal to you. When you write your mental health story, choose self-compassion and self-empowerment. It’s alright to feel bad, but you can also improve your mental health.

5. Pardon yourself

 Self-abandonment often meets self-blame. You should ask for forgiveness. Please forgive yourself for past decisions and accept that you followed your intuition and are continuously growing. Please forgive yourself as you would a friend.

Self-forgiveness aids healing and self-acceptance. Move on with a lighter heart and less regret. Because you’re human, mistakes are inevitable. Accept development and self-love by forgiving yourself.

6. Be Your Comfort Zone

Abandonment typically leads to self-blame. Please ask pardon. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and realize that you followed your intuition and are evolving. Forgive yourself like a friend.

Forgiveness fosters healing and self-acceptance. Be less sad and regretful. As humans, mistakes are inevitable. Accept growth and self-love by forgiving yourself.

7. Accept you are worthy. 

Owning your value means believing you deserve love, respect, and happiness regardless of your circumstances or achievements. It means accepting yourself, flaws and all, and believing you deserve love and happiness just for being alive. Do you know your values? Your strengths and weaknesses? Your dreams and goals? You feel more worthy when you learn more about yourself.

8. Tame Your Inner Critic

You’re told you’re not good enough, smart enough, or loved by your inner critic. Abandoning oneself validates your inner critic. You say you deserve bad treatment. So your inner critic gets louder.

Listen to its message. Knowing what it says lets you confront it. Ask for proof of your inner critic’s allegations. Replace negative thoughts with optimistic and realistic ones.

When your inner critic is nasty, talk to yourself like a depressed buddy. Getting your inner critic back is time-consuming but worthwhile. When your inner critic is helpful, you’ll feel better and take better care of yourself.

9. Understanding Your Triggers

Triggers are things that can cause you to feel overwhelmed or stressed, and they can lead to self-abandoning behaviors. 

• Anxiety
• Stress
• Depression
• Trauma
• Rejection
• Criticism
• Conflict

Once you know your triggers, you can start developing coping mechanisms for dealing with them.

This may include treatment, support groups, or relaxation.

Be mindful of your emotions and body. How do stress and overwhelm affect your body and mind? Do you become worried or depressed? Withdraw from others? Do you self-harm?

Find your triggers. Once you know your triggers, you can avoid or cope with them.

Consult a therapist. Therapists can help you identify triggers and build coping methods.

10. Releasing Guilt and Shame

Guilt and shame are two related but distinct emotions. Guilt is the feeling of responsibility for a wrong or hurtful act. Shame is the feeling of being flawed or worthless as a person.

Here are some examples of guilt and shame:

• Guilt: Feeling guilty after lying to a friend.
• Shame: Feeling ashamed for making a mistake at work.
• Guilt: Feeling guilty for not spending enough time with family.
• Shame: Feeling ashamed for being overweight.

You can eliminate self-abandonment guilt and shame by forgiving yourself. All humans make mistakes. Humanity includes it. Remember that self-abandonment is not your fault. You develop it to cope with unpleasant situations. You weren’t weak or imperfect to abandon yourself. You did that to cope with hardships. Tell yourself you deserve love and respect. Removing guilt and shame is crucial to self-abandonment recovery.

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