You place the highest value on honesty in your interactions. Nevertheless, you are constantly justifying your partner’s covert behavior. This internal struggle is among the best illustrations of relational cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is the psychological term for the mental pain caused by having two opposing beliefs and behaviors. It can seriously damage our relationships, and sometimes, it happens to all of us. Understanding how it works and how to overcome its obstacles is essential to creating deeper, more fulfilling friendships.
Table of Contents
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
One could apply the term “cognitive dissonance” in social psychology. It was Leon Festinger who coined the phrase to describe the unease that arises from a person’s conflicting beliefs and actions.
When faced with this contradiction, people try to change their thoughts and behaviors to minimize the dissonance and regain psychological equilibrium. Festinger, 1962.
People usually adapt their conduct, adopt new cognitive components, or change their ideas to reduce cognitive dissonance in relationships (Festinger, 1962).
RELATED: 15 Common Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive Dissonance In Relationships: Example
Let’s take Sarah and David’s romantic relationship. Sarah places a strong importance on managing her finances. She spends less than she should and saves money for the future. On the other hand, David loves making impulsive purchases and places a higher value on the present.
Here’s how she might experience cognitive dissonance in a relationship:
Dissonance. Sarah witnesses David making a significant, unplanned purchase. This clashes with her belief in financial responsibility, causing mental discomfort.
Justification. To reduce her cognitive dissonance and rationalize David’s act, Sarah could justify it by telling herself, “He deserves a treat after a long week.”
“It’s just a one-time thing.”
“Maybe I’m being too uptight about money.”
Consequences. These defenses may be effective in the short term, but future spending binges may bring up the dissonance again. This may result in:
Fights, arguments, resentments, and later on, conflicting beliefs could harm their relationship in the long run.
Cognitive Dissonance in Friendships
Consider Sarah and Emily, longtime friends with similar political opinions. Over time, Sarah becomes environmentally aware, but Emily remains indifferent. Sarah may have cognitive dissonance when Emily doesn’t want to discuss environmental issues.
Torn between keeping the connection and sharing her values with Emily, she may feel uncomfortable or frustrated in their relationship.
The early bonds in your long-lasting friendships are frequently formed by shared experiences, such as meeting in school or connecting over shared hobbies. You and your friend will inevitably change all over time, bringing about changes in values and perspectives.
These developments might bring about differences between you. But preserving your friendship doesn’t mean severing your bonds—instead, it means adjusting and aligning your moral principles.
Cognitive Dissonance in Abusive Relationships
If your partner is abusive, you may justify the abuser’s behavior by convincing yourself that they are not indicative of their actual behavior.
For example, you may dismiss their hitting you during a fight, telling yourself they were just stressed and didn’t mean to. You may place the blame on yourself for their selfish behavior, believing that you in some way incited them for the relationship to work, which are some signs of cognitive dissonance in relationships.
Cognitive dissonance occurs as the result of this internal conflict between the reality of abuse and your feelings of love. It’s a coping technique for dealing with the harsh truth of your partner’s behavior, contrasting with your romantic perception of them.
To keep the relationship going, victims may minimize the abuse and justify the abuser’s actions. Because they could see the violent outbursts as isolated incidents that don’t represent their abuser’s personality, people in abusive relationships may find it difficult to decide whether to leave or stay.
How to deal with Cognitive Dissonance in Relationships
Although it can affect your day-to-day existence, relational cognitive dissonance does not have to end your relationships. There are things you can do to make your relationships more balanced. Positive change begins with recognizing the dissonance that occurs when our beliefs and actions deviate from one another.
One can make better logical choices by removing oneself from the emotional attachment and looking at the issue from an outside angle.
Keep in mind that the situations that cause cognitive dissonance the most frequently cause you to question your worth. You can avoid the temptation to defend your image and maintain impartiality by approaching the decision as though it were for a loved one.
Final Words
Automatic cognition makes daily tasks like driving home and brushing your hair manageable. However, forgetting, like losing keys, has downsides and requires attentiveness.
That’s where mindfulness comes in. It requires acknowledging discord, pausing, reflecting, and making long-term decisions. Mindfulness helps you easily handle dissonance, aligning you with your genuine self and long-term goals and fulfilling healthy relationships.
FAQS
What is cognitive consistency?
The psychological condition of cognitive consistency occurs when an individual’s beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors match. It encourages people to align their thoughts, feelings, and actions to eliminate mental dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance occurs when these factors conflict, forcing people to change their beliefs or behaviors to resolve it. Cognitive consistency shapes decision-making, social interactions, and mental health.
RELATED POSTS
13 Core Areas of Life And A Curious Mind’s Exploration
