Despite their frequent interchangeability, codependency and interdependency have somewhat different definitions. One person becoming unduly dependent on another for their emotional and physical needs is known as codependency, and it is a toxic interpersonal dynamic. Conversely, a healthy relationship dynamic in which two individuals are independent and supportive of one another is known as interdependency.
RELATED: 10 Signs of Insecurity in Relationships: How to Overcome?
Table of Contents
What is Codependency?
Codependency is often rooted in childhood trauma or neglect. Codependent people may have learned to rely on others for their self-esteem and sense of worth. They may also have difficulty setting boundaries or saying no.
Example
Sarah is in a relationship with David, who is an alcoholic. David often drinks too much and gets into trouble, but Sarah always bails him. She excuses his behavior, lies to his friends and family, and covers up for him at work. Sarah’s behavior is enabling David’s drinking problem, and it is also taking a toll on her own
Because she takes too much responsibility for David’s welfare, Sarah is codependent. She tries very hard to make him happy because she feels bad and nervous when he is sad. Sarah’s actions are harming her as much as aiding David’s addiction.
Signs of Codependency in Relationships
Codependency can manifest in a variety of ways, but some common signs include:
- People-pleasing: Codependents frequently sacrifice their wants to appease others, sometimes to the detriment of others.
- Enabling: Codependents have the potential to make others’ addicted or harmful behaviors possible.
- To feel safe, codependents may attempt to exert control over others.
- Low self-esteem: Codependents frequently believe they are unworthy of respect or love and have low self-esteem.
RELATED: 9 Principles of Social Intelligence That Everyone Can Master
What is Interdependency?
A healthy relationship dynamic is interdependent when two individuals are independent and supportive of one another. In addition to being able to take care of themselves, interdependent individuals and couples also like to spend time with and provide emotional support for their relationships.
Example
The relationship between Alex and Beth is wholesome and mutually reliant. Both of them encourage one other’s hobbies and jobs. Even though they have friends and hobbies outside of their relationship, they still like to spend time together. Beth and Alex can have honest and open communication and have faith in one another to respect their own space.
In addition to supporting one another’s needs, Alex and Beth have separate identities and interests outside of their partnership, which makes their connection interdependent. They trust one another to respect their limits and can communicate honestly and openly.
Signs of an Interdependent Relationship
Some common signs of an interdependent relationship include:
- Healthy boundaries can be established by interdependent individuals when one partner can refuse requests when necessary.
- Mutual respect: Individuals who are interdependent honor one another’s needs and emotions.
- Trust: Interdependent People feel free to be themselves with one another and have faith in one another.
- Individuality: Interdependent People keep their identities and passions separate from their relationships.
RELATED: 8 Ways to Boost Your Emotional Curiosity: Nurturing The Quest Within
Difference Between codependent and interdependent
Here is a table that summarizes the key differences between codependency and interdependency:
| Characteristic | Codependency | Interdependency |
|---|---|---|
| Focus | Other-centered | Self-centered and other-centered |
| Sense of responsibility | Exaggerated | Healthy |
| Boundaries | Poorly defined or nonexistent | Well-defined and respected |
| Communication | Dishonest and manipulative | Honest and open |
| Happiness | Dependent on the happiness of the other person | Independent of the happiness of the other person |
RELATED: Great Leadership Requires Emotional Maturity: Here’s Why?
How to stop being codependent
If you think you may be codependent, here are some steps you can take to overcome it:
1. Recognizing Codependency
Do you frequently feel that others are the only ones who can make you happy? Perhaps you constantly give up your wants or opinions to appease other people. The first step to overcoming codependency is identifying these tendencies in your behavior.
2. Develop Self-awareness
Recognize your habits and triggers first. Think back for a moment to instances where you may have felt obliged to put the needs of others before your own. For example, you may have routinely canceled plans to satisfy the needs of someone else, even though it exhausted you.
3. Set Boundaries
Determining limits is essential. Consider a friend who constantly takes your money and never gives it back. Establishing boundaries may entail being open and consistent about what you find acceptable. Recall that respecting oneself is the true meaning of setting limits rather than being egotistical.
4. Engage in Self-Care
It’s critical to put your health first. Make time for the pursuits of your passions and enjoyable pastimes. Painting, running, or just reading a book are examples of soul-nourishing hobbies that are essential to recovering your identity.
5. Seek Assistance
Joining a support group, talking to a friend, or seeing a therapist can all provide you with emotional support and enlightening information. Discussing your experiences with others who understand your situation can be quite energizing.
6. The Art of Saying “No”
Learn to refuse requests without feeling guilty about it. Saying no to extra labor or favors that become too much for you is appropriate. For example, you can politely turn down a colleague’s request for help on a project or, if you’re overburdened, figure out a reasonable timeline.
7. Shift the Focus Inward
Prioritize your development and betterment. Take part in endeavors that advance your growth, such as returning to school, achieving a professional objective, or picking up a new talent.
8. Appreciate Your Independence
Recall that your codependency does not define you. Honor your achievements and independence. Acknowledge the times when you took decisions for yourself alone, such as changing your lifestyle or work.
9. Make Space for Mistakes
It takes work to overcome codependency. Errors are to be expected when traveling. Recognize that patience and time are necessary for growth. Every stride towards more independent living and sound boundaries matters.
By taking small steps and being patient with yourself, you can gradually move away from codependent behaviors, reclaim your autonomy, and foster healthier, more balanced relationships.
RELATED: 7 Secrets to a Polished Personality
How to build an interdependent relationship
Here are some tips for building an interdependent relationship:
- Open and honest communication is key. Any healthy partnership must include communication. Talk to your partner honestly and openly about your wants, emotions, and ideas.
- Encourage others. While you should support your partner in times of need, you should also respect their personal space and provide them freedom.
- Have faith in each other. For a connection to be healthy and interdependent, trust is necessary. Give your partner space to be themselves and learn to trust them.
- Keep your uniqueness. It’s critical to preserve your individuality and passions beyond the partnership. In the relationship, this will make you feel happier and more content.
- Assign duties and equitably make choices. As a team, share responsibilities and make decisions. By balancing obligations, one-sided dependency can be prevented.
What makes partnerships with narcissists more common among those who struggle with codependency?
There are a few reasons why people with codependency are more likely to have codependent relationships with narcissists.
- Codependent people must please others. Narcissists frequently gravitate toward those who are controllable and easy to please. Even if it means putting their own needs last, codependents frequently will do everything it takes to please their spouse.
- The self-esteem of codependents is low. People who lack a feeling of self and self-worth are frequently the targets of narcissists. Their initial display of love and appreciation for their lover would gradually give way to criticism and denigration.
- This kind of treatment may be more likely to be accepted by codependents who have poor self-esteem since they feel they don’t deserve better.
- Codependents fear being abandoned. In addition to being highly critical of their spouses, narcissists are frequently erratic. Because they frequently fear being abandoned, codependents may be more prone to continue in bad relationships with narcissists.
RELATED: “Understanding Enmeshment Trauma: Causes, Effects, and Healing”
Codependence as Relationship Addiction
The similarities between codependency and addiction are numerous. For example, codependents may experience withdrawal symptoms when they are separated from their spouse, have urges for them, and struggle to control their conduct around them. Codependents may also have a relapse after trying to escape an uncomfortable relationship.
Codependency and addiction differ primarily in that codependency is not listed as a recognized mental health illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, there are mental health issues like substance abuse, anxiety, and depression that have been connected to codependency.
For example, codependency is now called “relationship addiction.” This means losing one’s sense of value in the relationship, which could make you fear its termination so much that you would sacrifice your life to keep it going.
Another significant difference is that codependency is characterized by a psychological reliance on another person, but addiction is characterized by a physical need for a substance. Nevertheless, codependency and addiction can both be challenging to overcome. Consult a counselor or therapist if necessary.
Subscribe to our newsletter!
How to Practice Emotional Control and Enjoy Interdependence?
It is possible to remain in emotional control and enjoy interdependence. Interdependence is a key ingredient in emotionally healthy relationships.
Here are some tips for remaining in emotional control while enjoying interdependence:
- Talk to your partner about your needs and feelings honestly and openly. This involves having the ability to communicate your demands, set limits, and say no.
- Politely, be assertive. This entails expressing your demands and desires in an unambiguous, straightforward manner that is neither demanding nor combative.
- Saying no is acceptable if your partner’s demands are overwhelming you. If your partner asks you to do something you don’t have the time or energy to do, for instance, you could respond, “I’m happy to help you with that, but I need to finish this task first.”
- Setting boundaries is crucial if your partner’s actions are causing you discomfort. Saying “I understand that you’re trying to be helpful, but your criticism is making me feel bad” is one way to respond to your partner’s persistent criticism.I value your opinions, but please stop pointing fingers at me.
- Communicating your needs is crucial if you believe your partner is ignoring or neglecting you. Saying “I feel neglected lately” is one example. Spending time with you this weekend would be very appreciated.
- Seeking expert assistance is acceptable if you have trouble controlling your emotions or communicating with your partner. A therapist can teach you how to set boundaries, speak clearly, and healthily express your needs.
Remember, interdependence is a healthy relationship dynamic. It is essential to be supportive of your partner, but it is also important to take care of your needs and maintain emotional control.
Related: How to Cope: The Psychology of Feeling Personally Attacked
Is there any healthy “dependence?”
Healthy dependence is a state of mutual reliance in which two people can meet each other’s needs while maintaining their individuality. It is a balance and harmony in which people feel supported and loved.
Here are some examples of healthy dependence:
- A child rely on their parents for food, shelter, and love.
- A couple relying on each other for emotional support and companionship.
- A team of employees relies on each other to complete a project.
- A community of people relying on each other for mutual aid and support.
Healthy dependence is different from unhealthy dependence, which is a state of imbalanced reliance in which one person is overly dependent on another person for their emotional and physical needs. Unhealthy dependence can lead to resentment, codependency, and other problems.
