This term, DARVO, is an acronym for “Denial, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” Avigail Lev, PsyD, founder of Bay Area CBT Centre and CBT online, says, “It is a manipulative strategy that perpetrators often use to avoid taking accountability for their actions and put the blame on their victims.

It’s a Narcissistic personality disorder that involves a specific sequence of acts to influence event perception. Due to the deliberate fabrication of facts by DARVO narcissists, victims often feel confused. They sow suspicion by creating a false story that is not genuine. Unfortunately, bystanders believe the manipulator’s lies. The abused person is blamed and humiliated.

In this article, you will learn:

What is a DARVO Narcissist?

DARVO is an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender. It’s a deceptive strategy frequently employed by narcissists who have committed wrongdoing, especially abusers, to avoid accepting accountability for their deeds and place the blame on their victims.

Here’s a breakdown of the acronym:

• Deny. The person denies committing the conduct, regardless of the proof.
• Attack. They accuse the individual of holding them responsible for having ulterior motives, lacking credibility, or even being mentally sound.
• Reverse Victim and Offender. By posing as the victim and holding the other responsible as the aggressor, they attempt to reverse the narrative.

It’s essential to recognise that DARVO is not a diagnosis, but rather a pattern of behaviour. It can be used by people with a variety of personality types, including narcissists. 

A powerful urge for self-preservation and control is at the heart of the psychological foundation of DARVO. They will frequently adopt this tactic to safeguard their ego and ensure that they continue to provide the image of themselves that they have always desired –Jennifer J. Freyd, PhD.

Impact of DARVO Narcissist On Victims

DARVO may appear simple, yet it has a significant impact on individuals. Self-doubt, bewilderment, and mental discomfort can result from being insulted, rejected, and gaslighted. People who suffer from darvo narcissism may feel ashamed, guilty, and alone, and they may even doubt their sanity.

DARVO can undermine victims’ faith in the legal system, other people, and themselves, making it challenging to build healthy connections and seek assistance. The risk of being disregarded or subjected to additional victim-blaming may deter victims from reporting abuse or seeking help. This may postpone recovery and prolong the abuse cycle.

Who gets targeted for DARVO?

Anybody can be a target of DARVO, regardless of origin, gender, or age.

If you disagree with the narrative or the behaviour of someone displaying DARVO narcissistic behaviour, you may be a target for DARVO. You may have questioned their intentions or voiced your opposition to unfair treatment. The employment of DARVO as a defence mechanism may occur in certain circumstances because the narcissist may feel threatened.

Furthermore, if you have a great sense of empathy and compassion, you can become a target. These traits are frequently used by narcissists to their advantage, employing DARVO to change the story so that they are the victim and you are the bad guy. Confusion, manipulation, and a lack of awareness of reality may result from this.

Examples of Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim and Offender

DARVO Narcissists use manipulative tactics to gain control, as illustrated below;

Deny

 Imagine you confront your friend about a hurtful comment they made. Instead of acknowledging their words, they flat-out deny ever saying anything offensive. “I never said that; you must be imagining things,” they insist, leaving you questioning your memory.

Attack

You voice concerns about unjust treatment in a professional setting. Your coworker attacks you personally, casting doubt on your abilities or suggesting that you’re too sensitive, rather than addressing the problem. Attacking your character and gaslighting take precedence over the issue.

Reverse Victim and Offender

Suppose you discover your partner is lying. Rather than owning up to their mistakes, they accuse you of being too suspicious or untrustworthy. All of a sudden, your partner positions themselves as the victim, putting you on the defensive and overshadowing your initial worry.

DARVO as a collective grooming tactic

These DARVO tactics can influence how a collective perceives and responds to issues, fostering an environment where control is maintained through denial, attacks, and the inversion of roles.

Denial may involve downplaying or completely dismissing shared concerns or problems. Leaders or influential figures within the group might deny the existence of issues, creating a facade of unity that diverts attention away from genuine collective challenges and avoids accountability.

Those who voice concerns may be subjected to personal attacks, with their character being called into question. The darvo in narcissism aims to silence dissenting voices and discourage others from challenging the established narrative.

Why do bystanders participate?

Bystanders may feel pressure to align with the dominant narrative within a group. Conforming to the majority opinion, even if it involves participating in DARVO dynamics, can be driven by a desire to fit in and avoid social isolation.

Some bystanders may not fully grasp the manipulative nature of DARVO or may not recognise that it is happening in real time. Ignorance of the tactics employed can lead individuals to unintentionally participate without understanding the negative consequences.

Bystanders might genuinely believe the distorted version of events presented through DARVO. This belief can be influenced by charisma, trust in authority figures, or a lack of critical thinking skills, causing individuals to accept and propagate a false narrative.

Long-term impact on survivors

Because DARVO narcissists engage in deceptive and abusive behaviours, their victims may suffer from a variety of long-term consequences, including psychological and emotional abuse.

The ongoing denial of their experiences, personal assaults, and reality manipulation causes survivors to suffer from emotional trauma. A weakened sense of self-worth, chronic worry, and depression can result from this trauma.

Survivors may struggle to trust new people because they worry about being deceived or betrayed. Healthy relationships can be challenging to establish and sustain.

For some survivors, the continuous psychological abuse that is a part of DARVO dynamics might result in the development of PTSD. Common effects include hypervigilance, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts, which can continue long after the manipulation is over.

How to Protect Yourself Against a DARVO Narcissist

Recognising and protecting yourself against a DARVO Narcissist can be challenging, but possible. Here are some key strategies:

Education and Awareness

Know how DARVO narcissists use victim-shaming, blame-shifting, denial, and deflection. If someone consistently downplays your experience, disparages your character, or attempts to turn the tables on you, take note of this behaviour.

It is essential to comprehend DARVO’s strategies and indicators to spot it in operation. Consult trustworthy mental health websites and hotlines such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline and the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Setting Boundaries and Communication

Stay out of the manipulative cycle and avoid emotional fights. Be cool and unambiguous when stating your boundaries, and avoid becoming involved in conversations that seem unjust or pointless.

Limit or cut off communication if the person ignores your limits or continues to use DARVO methods, especially if it’s damaging or emotionally taxing.

Documentation and Support

Maintain a thorough log of all encounters, including times, dates, and particular instances of DARVO methods employed. This can be useful if you require legal counsel or assistance.

Be in the company of professionals, family members, or friends who can empathise with you and affirm your experiences. Take into consideration joining an abuse survivors support group.

Suppose you’re experiencing emotional difficulties or feel overpowered by the manipulation. In that case, you might want to think about getting professional assistance from a counsellor or therapist who has dealt with abuse and manipulation before.

Seek specialists, cognitive behavioural therapy, and therapies if things get worse.

FAQs about DARVO Narcissist