Many people find it distressing to have emotionally inaccessible parents. These parents may provide for their children’s necessities, but they struggle to establish an emotional bond with them, which is crucial for a child’s proper development.
This lack of emotional sensitivity can have a detrimental effect on your relationships, overall well-being, and sense of self.
In addition to discussing the possible repercussions of growing up in such an environment, this blog article attempts to shed light on the telltale signs of emotionally unavailable parents and offer helpful suggestions for creating meaningful relationships.
Table of Contents
What Is An Emotionally Unavailable Parent?
A parent who finds establishing an emotional connection with you difficult is considered an emotionally unavailable parent. It could be difficult for you to feel close to them or to express your emotional needs since they look distant or detached. When you try to chat with them, you can discover that they don’t seem to nurture your feelings and provide emotional support.
These parents may have difficulty expressing their emotions or understanding yours, leaving you feeling misunderstood or neglected. You might crave their love and attention but find it hard to get through to them or to feel like they genuinely care about you.
A parent who is constantly aloof and emotionally detached is also called cold mother syndrome, cold father syndrome, or emotionally immature parents.
What Are The Types Of Emotionally Unavailable Parents?
Emotionally unavailable parents can come in many different forms, and their particular behaviors might affect how they interact with you. These are a few typical types:
The Distant Parent
parents who are present physically but emotionally separated. They may have too many obligations, hobbies, or occupations to be emotionally involved. For example, it’s possible that your father works long hours and is too worn out to discuss the day with you. Even though you and your parent are together, you could feel emotionally separated.
The Critical Parent
This parent criticizes your feelings, opinions, and accomplishments abruptly. Instead of encouraging you, they may criticize your mistakes. Your mother may continuously criticize your appearance, grades, or choices, making you feel inferior. Their frequent criticism can lower your self-esteem and make you unwilling to talk to them.
The Absent Parent
Emotionally or physically, this parent is not present. Absent, separated, or divorced because of work, drug usage, etc. You may have been raised by your father or other caregivers after your mother abandoned you when you were a small child. Even if they are not physically there, you may still feel abandoned and uneasy due to an emotional void.
15 signs of an emotionally unavailable parent
The child of an emotionally unavailable parent may suffer through the following setbacks;
- Absence of affection or emotional expression towards you.
- Struggle to understand your opinions or feelings.
- They avoid meaningful conversations
- Putting their wants and needs above yours.
- Unstable or inconsistent presence in your life.
- It would be best to have others acknowledge or appreciate your achievements.
- Blaming you for their mistakes or problems.
- Rarely express their own emotions freely.
- Primarily focused on fulfilling their own needs.
- Difficulty apologizing or taking responsibility for their actions.
- May view spending quality time together as a burden.
- Using guilt or manipulation to control your behavior.
- Difficulty setting healthy boundaries
- Privacy is highly valued, and open communication is discouraged.
- Tendency to shut down or withdraw during conflicts or disagreements.
Effects Of Emotionally Unavailable Parents on the child’s mental growth
Children of emotionally unavailable parents can cause psychosomatic symptoms, internalizing and externalizing symptoms, delays in development, and decreased mental health. Below are some signs your parents were emotionally unavailable;
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulty trusting others
- Difficulty forming secure attachment style
- Codependency and unhealthy relationship patterns.
- Depression and other mental health issues
- Difficulty expressing your own emotions.
- Difficulty setting personal goals.
- Fear of abandonment and intimacy issues.
- Development of maladaptive coping mechanisms.
- Emotional numbness or detachment.
- Persistent feelings of loneliness and isolation.
- Impaired social and communication skills.
- Increased risk of engaging in abusive relationships.
How to heal from an emotionally unavailable parent
It can be challenging to recover from the effects of emotionally unavailable parents, but it is achievable with patience, perseverance, and support. The following actions can help you start the healing process:
According to the outcomes of a study conducted in 2017, the emotional availability of both the father and the mother was associated with favorable outcomes in terms of mental health, emotional regulation, relationship success, and social support as children met with adulthood. Below are some strategies to heal from the effects of having emotionally unavailable parents.
Cultivate supportive relationships
Be in the company of individuals who love and support you without conditions and who accept you for who you are. The impacts of emotional unavailability can be reduced, and a source of consolation and validation can be found by developing a solid support network.
Let go of unrealistic expectations.
You cannot change them or make them emotionally available, no matter how much you want to. Instead, accept their flaws and issues. Releasing the expectation to change your parent will help you overcome the disappointment and anger of holding out hope for something that might never develop.
Understand that their emotional unavailability stems from their own personal challenges and limitations rather than a reflection of their worth.
Change your perception
Think about the generational context in which your parent grew up. Consider how family relationships, cultural expectations, and societal conventions shaped their attitudes and actions.
Determine whether your parent has any unresolved previous trauma. You can better understand their behavior and see that they might be repeating patterns they picked up from their upbringing and understanding of your parent’s difficulties.
Focus on your healing.
Ideally, you should focus on your recovery. Allow yourself the time and resources to support your mental health and personal growth. Practice self-care that makes you feel better, such as meditation, exercise, or a hobby.
Family, friends, or a mental health professional therapist are examples of emotionally available people who will support and encourage you. Make the most of your time with them. Through introspection and reestablishing your connection with your inner child, you might be able to recuperate.
You should surround yourself with people that respect and accept you for who you are. Start engaging in activities and interests that bring you joy and fulfillment, like volunteering or creating art. By investing in your recovery, you may overcome obstacles and develop resilience.
The emotional availability assessment
The emotional availability assessment by Dr. Zeynep Biringen assesses the sensitivity, structure, non-intrusiveness, and non-hostility of parent-child interactions. The involvement and response of the youngster are also taken into account.
Based on these results, parents are classified as complicated, emotionally available, disconnected, or troublesome. While problematic parents might occasionally display warmth, emotionally available parents behave in a nurturing manner.
Problematic parents neglect their children and may show animosity, while detached parents seem distant. This evaluation offers perceptions of the relationships between parents and children, directing interventions to promote positive attachments.
Adult Children of Emotionally Unavailable Parents
Because they experienced emotional neglect, adult children of emotionally immature parents may experience mental health problems.
Among the issues that emotional neglect and a lack of support can aggravate are depression, anxiety disorders, and low self-esteem. Developing positive connections, managing their emotions, and living satisfying lives may be difficult for some people.
Moreover, ongoing stress brought on by resolving unresolved emotional issues from childhood raised by emotionally unavailable narcissistic parents can make mental health problems worse. Below are some examples;
- Anxiety disorders (such as generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, or panic disorder)
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or childhood trauma
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD)
- Narcissistic personality disorder
Online Resources for Further Study
- Books:
- Online Resources:
- National Healthy Marriage Resource Center: https://www.healthymarriageinfo.org
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org
