10 Stages of Grief: Signs, Examples & Healthy Ways to Cope

10 Stages of Grief at a Glance

The 10 stages of grief are an expanded list of emotional, physical, and everyday experiences people may have after a significant loss. They include shock, sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and changes in daily routines.

These aren’t ten required steps. You might recognise several experiences at once, return to one months later, or never experience some of them.

No.	Grief experience	What it might look like in everyday life
1	Shock	You hear that someone has died but continue making tea or answering messages because the news doesn’t quite feel real yet.
2	Emotional Release	You get through the funeral without crying, then burst into tears while folding the person’s clothes a week later.
3	Sadness and Isolation	You decline invitations because conversation feels exhausting, even though you occasionally wish someone would visit.
4	Physical Effects of Grief	You struggle to sleep, lose your appetite, or feel unusually tired while managing the days after a loss.
5	Anxiety and Fear	You become worried about practical matters, such as paying household bills or living alone.
6	Anger	You feel irritated when someone offers advice or resentful about circumstances surrounding the death.
7	Guilt and Regret	You keep remembering a missed phone call or wishing your last conversation had gone differently.
8	Difficulty Returning to Routines	You find it hard to cook for one person, return to work, or manage responsibilities you previously shared.
9	Moments of Hope	You enjoy an afternoon with friends or look forward to a small plan, even while continuing to miss the person.
10	Acceptance and Living With Loss	You gradually find ways to make decisions, maintain relationships, and remember the person while living with their absence.

The numbers organise this guide; they don’t indicate the order in which grief happens.¹

You may experience anger before sadness, feel hopeful one day and devastated the next, or never identify with the word acceptance.

The table is intended to help you recognise possible grief reactions, not measure how far you’ve progressed toward healing.

What Are the 10 Stages of Grief?

The 10 stages of grief describe ten experiences you might recognise after losing someone important to you. They include changes in how you feel, how you manage everyday tasks, and how you live with someone’s absence. They’re not ten steps everyone has to complete.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five stages-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance-in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Her work originally focused on people facing death. The ten-part list in this guide is a broader way of organising possible grief experiences, not a separate, scientifically validated model.

You might spend the first week after your father’s death arranging the funeral, answering calls, and making sure everyone else is okay. Then, a month later, you open a kitchen cupboard, see his favourite mug, and start crying.

Perhaps you feel angry that he’s gone. Another day, you enjoy dinner with friends and feel guilty for laughing.

None of these moments tells you which stage you’re in or how far you have left to go.

Grief researchers Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) caution against treating stage theories as a fixed path through bereavement. If you’re finding it difficult to describe what you’re feeling, our grief journal prompts offer questions you can answer privately, without deciding which stage fits you.[1] 

Stage 1: Shock After a Loss

Shock after a loss may leave you feeling numb, confused, or unable to take in what you’ve just heard. You might continue doing ordinary things because you’re not sure what else to do.

Your sister calls to tell you that your brother has died.

You ask her to repeat herself. Then you sit at the kitchen table, looking at the cup of tea you’d made a few minutes earlier.

When relatives arrive, you answer questions about the funeral. You remember where important documents are kept and help someone find a phone number. But when a friend asks how you’re feeling, you say, “I don’t know.”

Later that evening, you pick up your phone to call your brother before remembering why everyone came over.

If you’re struggling to follow conversations, you could ask one relative to handle phone calls and write down anything important. You might say, “Can you tell me what needs doing today? I can’t think about next week yet.”

Some people cry when they hear the news. Others don’t. Your first reaction doesn’t measure how much the person meant to you.

If you want to understand how overwhelming experiences can sometimes affect concentration and your sense of steadiness, our article on the window of tolerance discusses ways to recognise when you may need a pause or support.

Stage 2: Emotional Release During Grief

Emotional release during grief may involve crying, talking about someone you’ve lost, or sharing feelings you’ve kept to yourself. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly, during an ordinary part of your day.

You’ve been busy since your mother’s funeral. Between work, family visits, and answering messages, you haven’t had much time alone.

One evening, you’re putting laundry away and find her old cardigan. You remember how she always wore it while watching television.

You sit on the edge of the bed and cry.

Later, your sister calls and asks how you’re doing.

“I found Mum’s cardigan today,” you tell her. “I really miss her.”

She asks if you want to talk about Mum. You remember how she used to complain whenever someone changed the television channel halfway through her favourite programme. You both laugh.

When you hang up, you’re still sad. But you’re glad you told your sister what happened.

If you’d rather write than talk, you could try one of these emotional release journal prompts. You might write about the cardigan, a favourite memory, or something you wish you could tell your mother.

You can also put the notebook away if you’re not in the mood to write.

Crying or talking may feel comforting, but neither guarantees relief. You can miss someone deeply without expressing your grief in a particular way.

Stage 3: Sadness and Isolation During Grief

Sadness and isolation during grief may leave you wanting time alone, even when you miss having someone around. You might turn down invitations, ignore messages for a while, or find ordinary conversations tiring.

Since your husband died, Sunday afternoons have been particularly difficult.

You used to go grocery shopping together. He’d always add something to the trolley that wasn’t on your list, and you’d tease him about it on the way home.

Now you shop alone. Sometimes you still reach for the things he liked before remembering you don’t need to buy them.

Your neighbour invites you over for lunch, but you don’t feel like sitting around a table answering questions about how you’re doing.

You tell her, “Maybe another time.”

Later, the house feels too quiet. You think about calling someone but don’t know what you’d say.

Instead of agreeing to a long visit, you could send your neighbour a message:

“I’m not up for lunch, but would you mind coming over for a cup of tea? I’d like some company.”

You might talk about your husband, watch television together, or simply sit for a while.

If you’ve been keeping your sadness to yourself because you don’t know how to bring it up, our article on breaking the cycle of suffering in silence explores some of the reasons people hesitate to ask for support.

Spending time alone isn’t necessarily a problem. But if you’ve stopped seeing people you care about and the loneliness is getting harder to live with, tell someone you trust.

If sadness or withdrawal is seriously affecting your daily life, a qualified mental health professional can also help you explore what support you need.

Stage 4: Physical Effects of Grief

The physical effects of grief may include poor sleep, tiredness, changes in appetite, headaches, and difficulty concentrating. You might notice these changes while trying to carry on with your usual routine after losing someone.

Since your wife died, you’ve been waking around 3 a.m.

Sometimes you reach across the bed before remembering she’s no longer there. You turn on the television, hoping you’ll fall asleep again, but often you’re still awake when morning comes.

At breakfast, you make two cups of tea out of habit.

You pour one away and leave yours untouched.

By lunchtime, you’re exhausted. At work, you read the same email several times and still forget what you were supposed to reply.

That evening, your daughter calls.

“Dad, have you eaten anything today?”

You tell her you’ve had some toast.

She offers to bring dinner tomorrow and pick up a few groceries. This time, you accept.

You might find it easier to keep a few meals in the fridge that don’t take much preparation. If you’re exhausted, you could leave the less urgent housework for another day or ask someone to help with shopping.

If you’ve been sleeping badly, our article on sleep problems and depressive symptoms discusses related sleep concerns. Trouble sleeping after a loss doesn’t, by itself, mean you have depression.

Grief may be affecting your sleep and appetite, but it isn’t necessarily the explanation for every physical symptom. If you’re experiencing persistent exhaustion, worsening headaches, unexplained pain, or other concerning changes, speak with a healthcare professional. New or severe chest pain or difficulty breathing needs urgent medical assessment.

Stage 5: Anxiety and Fear During Grief

Anxiety during grief may leave you worried about the future, losing someone else, or managing responsibilities that someone you loved used to handle.

Since your husband died, you’ve been trying to sort out the household finances. He always dealt with the mortgage and insurance, and you don’t know where he kept half the paperwork.

One evening, you open a letter from the bank.

You read it twice, put it on the table, and start looking through a drawer full of documents. You wonder whether you’ve missed a payment.

By bedtime, you’ve checked the same letter several times but haven’t worked out what to do.

The next morning, you call your sister.

“Could you come over and help me sort through these papers? I don’t even know where to start.”

She comes by after lunch. Together, you separate the bills that need attention from the documents you can put away. You write down two questions to ask the bank.

You still feel nervous about managing everything alone. At least now you know which call to make.

Sometimes the worry isn’t about something you can solve with paperwork. You might also find yourself checking your phone repeatedly when a family member is late, frightened that something else has happened.

If you tend to seem fine around other people while spending hours worrying privately, you may recognise that experience in our article on appearing calm while feeling anxious underneath.

You can ask someone to help with unfamiliar responsibilities or tell a trusted person when you’re feeling frightened. If anxiety or repeated panic is making it difficult to sleep, work, or manage ordinary tasks, consider speaking with a qualified healthcare professional.

Stage 6: Anger During Grief

Anger during grief may come up when someone makes an insensitive comment, when you think about the circumstances of a death, or when you wish things had happened differently.

Three months after your father’s death, you’re having dinner with relatives.

Your uncle notices you’ve been quiet and says, “You need to stop thinking about the past and get on with your life.”

You put your fork down.

You’ve spent the week working, helping your mother with appointments, and sorting through your father’s belongings. The last thing you want is someone telling you how long you’re allowed to miss him.

“You have no idea what I’m dealing with,” you reply.

The table goes quiet.

Later, you wish you hadn’t snapped at him, but you’re still hurt by what he said.

The next time you speak, you might tell him, “I know you’re trying to help, but I don’t want to be told to move on. Sometimes I’d rather you just ask how I’m doing.”

He may understand. He may not. Either way, you’ve explained which part of the conversation upset you.

You might also feel angry about the death itself-perhaps about something that happened before your father died or the time you wish you’d had together.

If you keep replaying a conversation in your head, you could write down the exact words that bothered you and what you’d prefer to say if the subject comes up again.

You can feel angry without shouting, forgiving someone immediately, or turning every disagreement into an argument.

If anger is repeatedly leading to confrontations or behaviour that feels difficult to control, consider discussing it with a qualified mental health professional.²

Stage 7: Guilt and Regret After Losing Someone

Guilt during grief may leave you thinking about what you said, what you didn’t say, or the time you wish you’d spent with someone before they died.

Your mother called one Friday afternoon while you were finishing work. You saw her name on your screen and thought, “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

You forgot.

She died unexpectedly a few days later.

Now, whenever you look through your call history, you notice that unanswered call. You remember all the afternoons you spent talking to her, but your thoughts keep returning to that Friday.

You tell your sister, “I should have answered. I don’t know why I was in such a hurry.”

She remembers that you called Mum most weekends and visited whenever you could. You remember those things too, although they feel harder to think about right now.

You might write down what you wish you’d said during that call. Perhaps it was nothing important. You just wanted to ask about her day and hear her voice.

If you’d rather put those thoughts into words privately, our writing prompts for grief include questions about memories, regrets, and conversations you wish you could have.

Missing a call may be something you genuinely regret. But that doesn’t mean you caused the death or failed to love the person enough. If guilt keeps taking over your days, a grief counsellor may be able to help you talk through it.

Stage 8: Difficulty Returning to Normal Routines After a Loss

Returning to normal routines after a loss can be difficult, even when you feel ready to go back to work or take care of everyday responsibilities.

Six weeks after your husband’s death, you return to your office.

On the first morning, you open your inbox and find more than a hundred unread emails. You used to get through them before lunch, but today you read the same message several times before deciding how to reply.

Your manager asks whether you can take over a project that starts next week.

You almost agree. You’ve always handled a busy workload, and you don’t want your colleagues to think you can’t do your job anymore.

Instead, you tell her, “I’d like to get back into things, but I’m still catching up. Could we look at what needs doing first?”

You go through your assignments together and agree which tasks need attention this week. A colleague offers to take over one meeting while you finish the overdue work.

By Friday, you’ve completed some of your usual tasks, although you haven’t managed everything you expected.

At home, there are still evenings when you leave the washing until tomorrow or eat something simple because you don’t feel like cooking.

If you’re trying to manage work, household responsibilities, and time for yourself after a loss, our article on balancing the areas of life discusses ways to decide what needs attention and what can wait.

You may need a different routine for a while. If your difficulties are seriously affecting your ability to work or care for yourself, speak with a healthcare professional about the support available to you.

Stage 9: Moments of Hope During Grief

Hopefulness during grief may appear when you start looking forward to something again, even while you still miss the person who died. It might be returning to a hobby, making plans with someone, or enjoying an afternoon you hadn’t expected to enjoy.

Your grandmother loved gardening. Every spring, she’d ask you to help plant marigolds, then complain that you’d put them too close together.

Since she died, you’ve barely touched her garden. The flowerbeds are overgrown, and the watering can has been sitting beside the shed for months.

One Saturday, you go outside to clear a small patch. You find her old gardening gloves, put them on, and spend an hour pulling weeds.

You hadn’t planned to stay that long.

When your cousin calls, you tell her, “I’ve started working on Nan’s garden again. Do you want to come over next weekend? We could plant something she’d have liked.”

You enjoy choosing the flowers together. Later, when you see her empty chair by the back door, you miss her.

You can enjoy the garden and still wish your grandmother were there.

Grief researchers Stroebe and Schut (1999) described how people may move between attending to their loss and dealing with the activities and responsibilities of everyday life. Their Dual Process Model doesn’t suggest that you must finish grieving before becoming interested in other parts of life.[6]

You might want to keep a photograph of the flowers or write down a funny memory about your grandmother. If writing appeals to you, you could adapt one of these gratitude journal prompts to describe something you enjoyed sharing with her.

You don’t have to describe the loss itself as something to be grateful for.

A systematic review by Hewson and colleagues (2023) also examined how people maintain a connection with someone who has died. It found that these continuing connections can involve both comfort and distress, and the evidence doesn’t establish that maintaining them is helpful for everyone.³

You may enjoy tending the garden because it reminds you of your grandmother. Someone else may prefer to leave a shared activity behind for a while.

Neither choice tells you how far you’ve come in your grief.

Stage 10: Acceptance and Living With Loss

Acceptance during grief may mean acknowledging that someone has died while gradually making decisions about life without them. You can still miss that person, feel upset about what happened, or wish things were different.

It’s been several months since your wife’s death. Her coat is still hanging beside the front door, where she always left it after work.

One afternoon, your daughter asks, “Dad, would you like me to help you go through some of Mum’s things?”

You look at the coat.

“Not all of it,” you say. “Maybe we could start with the cupboard upstairs.”

On Saturday, you sort through a few boxes together. You find old photographs, clothes, and a scarf your wife wore every winter.

You decide to keep the scarf and give a few clothes to charity.

Then you find a birthday card she’d written to you years ago. You sit on the floor and read it.

Your daughter asks whether you want to finish sorting the boxes.

“Not today,” you tell her. “Let’s leave the rest.”

You put the card somewhere safe and leave her coat by the door.

Some things in the house have changed. Others still remind you of the life you shared.

In their book Continuing Bonds, Klass, Silverman, and Nickman (1996) explored how people may maintain connections with someone who has died through memories, belongings, and the meaning those relationships still hold. Their work challenges the idea that adjusting to a death requires cutting every emotional tie.⁴

If you’re sorting through belongings and finding it difficult to decide what to keep, our article on decluttering your life emotionally discusses related decisions about possessions and personal attachments.

The scarf stays. The other clothes can wait until you feel ready to decide.

Acceptance isn’t proof that grief has ended, and you don’t have to reach it as a final stage.

How Do You Know You Are Moving Toward Acceptance in Grief?

You might notice that you’re making some everyday decisions more easily, even though you still miss the person who died. That can be one sign you’re finding ways to live with the loss, although there’s no test that tells you whether you’ve reached acceptance.

For months after your father’s death, you’ve been avoiding the restaurant where you used to celebrate birthdays together.

When your sister suggests going there for her birthday, you hesitate. Then you say, “I’d like to try. If I get upset, I might step outside for a few minutes.”

During dinner, you remember how your father always ordered dessert before everyone else had finished eating. You tell the story, and your sister laughs.

You feel sad on the way home, but you’re glad you went.

You may still avoid that restaurant on another day. Going once doesn’t mean the loss has stopped hurting.

Grief researchers Stroebe and Schut (1999) described how people may alternate between attending to their loss and taking part in everyday life. That means returning to an activity and missing someone can happen alongside each other.[6]

How to Support a Grieving Person

Supporting someone who is grieving can mean listening when they want to talk, helping with a task they haven’t managed, or checking in long after the funeral. You don’t need to find the perfect words.

Your friend lost her husband six weeks ago. You sent flowers and attended the funeral, but you haven’t spoken much since.

You send her a message: “I’m going grocery shopping on Thursday. Can I pick up a few things for you? I can leave them at the door if you’d rather have a quiet afternoon.”

She replies that she could use some milk and bread, but doesn’t feel like having visitors.

You drop the groceries off and send a short message when you leave. You don’t ask her to come outside or explain how she’s coping.

A few weeks later, you remember that her husband’s birthday is coming up. You text, “I was thinking about Daniel today. I remember how he always made everyone laugh at dinner. No need to reply, but I’m thinking of you.”

She might want to talk about him. She might prefer not to answer. You can follow her lead without disappearing from her life.

Bereavement charity Cruse recommends specific offers of practical help rather than expecting a grieving person to work out what to ask for.⁵

If you’re unsure what to say when someone is struggling, our article on building resilience through conversation explores ways to approach difficult conversations without rushing to offer solutions.

You can also ask directly: “Would you like me to listen, help with something, or give you some space today?”

How the 10 Stages Compare With Other Grief Models

You may have come across articles describing five, seven, or ten stages of grief and wondered which version is correct.

The main difference is what each model includes and how it explains grief. The lists don’t all come from the same research.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described five well-known stages-denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance-in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Her original work focused on people facing death.

Seven-stage lists commonly add experiences such as shock, emotional reflection, and hope. However, there isn’t one standard seven-stage model.

The ten experiences in this guide include feelings such as anger and guilt, along with changes in sleep, energy, and everyday responsibilities. This particular ten-part list is a descriptive guide, not a scientifically validated sequence.

Grief researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut (1999) approached bereavement differently. Their Dual Process Model describes how people may shift between attending to their loss and dealing with changes in daily life.[⁶]

For example, after your mother’s death, you might spend the morning looking through old photographs. In the afternoon, you collect your children from school, prepare dinner, and help with homework.

You may miss your mother throughout the day, even while attending to other things.

Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) also cautioned against using fixed stages to judge how bereaved people are coping.[1]

Grief framework	What it describes
Kübler-Ross’s five stages	Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance
Common seven-stage lists	An expanded set of reactions, often including shock, reflection, and hope
The ten experiences in this guide	Feelings, physical changes, and difficulties with everyday routines
Dual Process Model	Moving between attending to the loss and dealing with daily responsibilities

You may find one description useful for naming what you’re experiencing and another more helpful for understanding how your days have changed. Neither can tell you exactly how you should feel tomorrow.

How Long Do the Stages of Grief Last?

There is no fixed timeline for the stages of grief. Some feelings may become less frequent over time, while certain memories, anniversaries, or family occasions can still be painful years after someone dies.

It’s been two years since your sister died.

Most days, you’re busy getting the children ready for school, going to work, and managing things at home. You still think about her, but you aren’t constantly reminded of her absence.

Then her birthday comes around.

You open your old messages and find one where she’s teasing you about forgetting her birthday the previous year.

You read it twice.

You start typing a reply before remembering there’s no one to send it to.

Later, your brother calls. He asks whether you’d like to meet for dinner.

“Not tonight,” you say. “I’ve been thinking about her all day. Could we meet at the weekend instead?”

He agrees, and you spend the evening looking through a few old photographs before going to bed.

The following morning, you take the children to school and return to work.

Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) caution against treating grief stages as a timetable that bereaved people should follow.[1] Feeling upset on an anniversary doesn’t establish that you’ve returned to an earlier stage.

If you’d like to write about a difficult date or a memory that keeps coming back, our grief journal prompts include questions about remembering someone and living with their absence.

You may prefer talking to a family member, visiting somewhere meaningful, or keeping the day private.

If grief is making it difficult to manage daily responsibilities, or you’re feeling overwhelmed for an extended period, consider speaking with a qualified grief counsellor or mental health professional.

Conclusion

You may still find yourself wanting to tell someone who has died about an ordinary part of your day. A funny conversation at work. Something your children said. A place you both used to visit.

Some memories may upset you. Others may make you smile.

The 10 stages of grief described here aren’t steps you need to finish. They’re names for some of the experiences that can follow a loss.

You might keep certain traditions, change routines that no longer work, or ask for help on days when everything feels more difficult.

You can make those decisions while continuing to miss the person who died.

Frequently Asked Questions About the Stages of Grief

1. Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. OMEGA, Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473. https://doi.org/10.1177/0030222817691870 ↩︎
2. NHS – Grief after bereavement or loss ↩︎
3. Hewson, H., Galbraith, N., Jones, C., & Heath, G. (2024). The impact of continuing bonds following bereavement: A systematic review. Death Studies, 48(10), 1001–1014. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2023.2223593 ↩︎
4. Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis. ↩︎
5. Cruse Bereavement Support. (n.d.). How to support someone who is grieving. https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/managing-grief/how-support-someone-who-grieving/ ↩︎
6. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046 ↩︎
7. Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation – On Death and Dying ↩︎