10 Stages of Grief: Signs, Emotions & Healthy Ways to Heal
The emotional process people go through following a loss is described by the ten stages of grief. These phases, commonly referred to as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, don’t usually occur in that order. Because the brain’s attachment system must progressively update its perception of reality, the stages of mourning are fluid emotional reactions to loss that interfere with emotional regulation. You may deal with loss in a grounded manner by being aware of these phases of sorrow.
10 Stages of Grief at a Glance
| No. | Stage | Description |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Shock | Emotional numbness, disbelief, and a sense of detachment from reality. |
| 2 | Emotional Release | Release of suppressed emotions, often accompanied by tears and relief. |
| 3 | Depression & Isolation | Deep sadness, withdrawal from social activities, and loss of interest. |
| 4 | Physical Illness | Physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, body aches, or low energy. |
| 5 | Panic & Anxiety | Heightened fear, restlessness, racing thoughts, and anxiety about the future. |
| 6 | Anger & Hostility | Irritability, frustration, rage, and feelings of resentment. |
| 7 | Guilt | Regret, self-blame, and persistent “what if” thoughts. |
| 8 | Difficulty Resuming Normal Routines | Challenges returning to daily tasks and previous responsibilities. |
| 9 | Hopefulness | Gradual return of optimism and positive expectations for the future. |
| 10 | Acceptance & Moving Forward | Emotional integration of the loss and the ability to build a new life story. |
Everyday living can feel strange after losing someone or something significant to you. You may feel numbness one moment, then be overcome by grief, rage, guilt, or anxiety the next. You might even question why healing feels so unpredictable or why your feelings are always shifting.
The emotional, physical, and psychological reactions that many people go through following a loss are described by the 10 stages of grief. These phases can overlap, recur, or show up in a different order for every person rather than in a predetermined order.
According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in On Death and Dying, grief includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance1. Still, she later clarified that these were not strict steps but rather emotional responses that flowed fluidly.
Research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry shows that grief follows different patterns, and resilience is more common than we assume2. Grief is not a linear staircase. It is an emotional regulation process in which your brain gradually updates its understanding of reality.
What Are the 10 Stages of Grief?
The emotional, physical, and psychological reactions people may have following a major loss are outlined in the 10 stages of grief. This extended framework can include feelings such as shock, emotional release, bodily symptoms, guilt, hopefulness, and difficulty returning to regular life, in contrast to the traditional five-stage model.
You can experience multiple stages at once or go through them in any sequence because they are not linear. You can better understand your feelings and approach recovery with more self-compassion if you understand the ten stages of grieving.
Recent studies show that while most people show natural resilience after loss, 7–10% may experience long grief periods. The expanded stages can help normalise your experience and reduce self-judgment3.
Because your brain cannot process the full weight of loss at once, denial usually comes first. You might experience unusual calmness, disconnection, or numbness. This is psychological protection, not avoidance.
Why the 10 Stages of Grief Don’t Always Happen in Order
Because your brain interprets emotional loss differently from rational information, the stages of grief can seem chaotic. Your attachment system still expects the person’s return, even when your rational mind understands what happened. This mismatch produces emotional waves.
The reward and attachment pathways in the brain continue to function after loss. According to Mary-Frances O’Connor, attachment is hardwired into your brain, so it keeps looking for the loved one4. Pain increases when the quest is unsuccessful.
Neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, in The Grieving Brain, explains that grief activates brain regions involved in attachment and habit, which is why loss feels like withdrawal5.
This explains why popular counsel like “just move on” is ineffective. Willpower does not solve grief. When your brain gradually rewires its expectations, it is resolved.
10 Stages of Grief
Stage 1: Shock
Feelings of disbelief, numbness, and a detachment from reality are characteristic features of shock, an instantaneous response to abrupt catastrophic events. Here are a few examples of emotional dysregulation from everyday life:
After a sudden and unexpected death, a person in isolation feels numb and unwilling to accept the reality of the loss; they refuse to acknowledge the news, even if credible sources confirm it. After being in a catastrophic car accident, you could feel shocked, confused, and have trouble understanding what happened. After an unexpected job loss, you could feel shocked, find it difficult to understand reality, and think you’re dreaming.
Grounding techniques (the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory exercise), short breathing (box breathing), and avoiding major decisions are the best strategies for dealing with this stage.
Stage 2: Emotional Release
Emotional release is the process of letting go of repressed and bottled-up feelings with relief, clarity, and lightness. This stage of the grieving process is common.
A woman who has been repressing her sadness after losing a parent may at last find relief via counselling, crying, and expressing her emotions. An intense workout can help a man who is under stress at work let go of his feelings. After a hard workout, he will feel relieved.
After repressing rage and hostility toward a buddy over a perceived slight, a person may eventually face them and freely express their thoughts. A feeling of liberation may result from this.
Try journaling or safe sobbing, body-based techniques like trauma-informed meditation, or gentle exercise.
Stage 3: Depression and Isolation
During the sadness and isolation stages of the grieving process, people withdraw from social engagements and connections. They may also experience persistent melancholy, hopelessness, or a lack of interest in activities they formerly enjoyed.
A person may cease participating in activities, spend more time alone, and lose interest in things that used to make them happy after a partner passes away. A person with a chronic illness may exhibit depressive symptoms, such as persistent melancholy, low energy, and a decreased desire to socialise.
After a breakup, a person may distance themselves from friends, lose interest in going out or meeting new friends, and experience prolonged sadness or tears. Light nature excursions, small daily routines, and reaching out to one safe person can all be beneficial.
Stage 4: Physical Illness
Physical conditions are diseases or illnesses that affect the body and are often marked by symptoms like pain, exhaustion, and organ dysfunction. Here are some real-life examples of people displaying physical symptoms of distress:
Chest pain, dyspnoea, and frequent fatigue are symptoms of cardiovascular disease, which can affect a middle-aged man’s daily activities and quality of life. Persistent migraines might cause a young woman to frequently miss work or school owing to severe headaches, light sensitivity, and nausea. Arthritis-related chronic joint pain and stiffness can seriously limit an older person’s freedom and mobility in daily activities.
Make sleep, healthy eating, and light exercise a priority. Consult a physician to rule out any medical conditions.
Stage 5: Panic and anxiety
Signs of panic and anxiety, which often accompany stressful or dangerous situations, include extreme fear and discomfort.
Before a major presentation or public speaking engagement, a person may suffer extreme anxiety about their performance, which can lead to heavy perspiration, a racing heartbeat, and difficulty focusing on anything else. People who relocate to a new city usually experience anxiety and restlessness because they worry they won’t fit in or find their place.
After a traumatic event, such as a vehicle accident, you may have extreme fear about driving again, with panic attacks happening at the mere thought.
Vagus nerve exercises, applying cold water to the face, and grounding can all help to regulate your nervous system.
Stage 6: Anger During Grief
Stress or conflict can cause extremely unpleasant emotions like hatred and wrath to surface. They frequently demonstrate animosity, impatience, and a readiness to argue or fight.
Stressful work environments can cause employees to become excessively critical of their teammates’ work, displaying hostility by making derogatory comments and placing blame.
When someone gets passed over for a promotion, they could be upset with their superiors because they think the choice was unjust or biased. Adolescents who feel bad about their outbursts may actively oppose parental authority by disobeying rules, acting physically, or having verbal outbursts.
Try exercising, keeping a voice journal, and setting boundaries as safe ways to let off steam.
Stage 7: Guilt After Losing Someone
Guilt is a complex feeling that arises when someone believes they have made a mistake or failed in some other way. Remorse, regret, and a desire to make things right accompany it. Here are a few real-life examples of guilt:
Due to work commitments, a parent may feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children, which can cause discomfort and make them want to make up for it in their free time.
When someone makes cruel comments out of anger, they feel bad about it and ask the person they injured for forgiveness. Exam cheaters may confess or go above and beyond to atone for their sin if they feel guilty about their dishonesty.
Try drafting a letter to the deceased, practicing self-compassion, and reframing with “I did the best I could with what I knew.”
Stage 8: Difficulty Resuming Normal Routines
The phrase “difficulty resuming normal routines” refers to the difficulties of going back to routines and habits following a major life event or a big change in circumstances. This frequently entails feeling unmotivated, overworked, and out of step with life.
After a protracted lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic, a person finds it difficult to resume their normal routine of travelling to work, communicating with coworkers, and maintaining a work-life balance.
A new mother may find it difficult to resume a regular work schedule after maternity leave because she may find it difficult to juggle her professional responsibilities with dropping her child off at the creche. Physical constraints and weariness can make it difficult for those recovering from major surgery or illness to gradually return to their normal routines. You can unwind by appreciating small victories and stacking tiny habits.
Stage 9: Hopefulness
The optimistic perspective that expects the best possible result in any given situation is known as hopefulness. This emotion is characterised by a sense of anticipation, optimism, and a strong belief in the possibility of good. The following are real-world instances of optimism:
A job seeker persists in trying even after being rejected multiple times because they think the ideal chance will soon arise. Instead of focusing on the fear of failing, a student might stay optimistic when preparing for a difficult test by visualising success and concentrating on the possibility of success.
Despite the difficulties the planet faces, an environmentalist maintains optimism because they think that by working together, we can combat climate change and promote sustainability. Put an emphasis on rituals and activities that create meaning for the future.
Stage 10: Acceptance and Moving Forward
The phrase “acceptance and going forward” refers to the process of acknowledging and progressing in spite of challenges. As hopelessness fades, one needs resilience, flexibility, and a strong dedication to personal growth.
A family chooses to move on by acquiring a new animal companion once the painful emotions of losing a beloved pet have subsided. By concentrating on self-improvement and establishing new relationships, a person may accept the divorce, acknowledge that the marriage is finished, and move on.
Gratitude exercises, legacy projects, and incorporating the loss into your new life narrative.
How Do You Know You Are Moving Toward Acceptance?
You can tell you’re getting closer to acceptance when the reminders are softer instead of sharper. You begin to remember without immediately passing out. Your brain has improved control by updating its internal representation of reality rather than repressing emotions. Acceptance is difficult. It’s like breathing without any obstruction.
How to Support a Grieving Person
It might be challenging to support someone who is grieving, but your presence is more important than well-spoken words. Being patient and compassionate is the most beneficial thing.
Do’s
- Allow them to talk about their loss as much as they want, as you listen without making any corrections. Simply state, “I’m here for you.”
- Bring meals, assist with childcare, take the dog for a walk, or drive them to appointments to provide practical assistance.
- Make frequent check-ins. Most people don’t realise how long their stages of grief last. Weeks or months later, a little message might make a big difference.
- Accept silence. Occasionally, people require companionship rather than dialogue.
- Honour their distinct timeline. There is no “correct” time or method for grieving.
Don’ts
- Avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place,” “Everything happens for a reason,” or “You should be over it by now.”
- Don’t compare their loss to yours (“I know exactly how you feel…”).
- Don’t pressure them to “stay strong” or return to normal quickly.
Simple Ways to Help
- Send a text: “Thinking of you today. No need to reply.”
- Remember important dates (death anniversaries, birthdays).
- Offer to go with them to a support group or their first therapy session.
You don’t need to have answers all at once. As their brain gradually adjusts to the new reality, your unwavering, nonjudgmental support helps their nervous system feel secure. Encourage them to talk to a grief counsellor or therapist if their grief is overpowering or persists for several months with excruciating suffering. Your compassionate presence can have a significant impact.
How the 10 Stages Compare With Other Grief Models
This guide focuses on the 10-stage grief model, which builds upon the traditional Kübler-Ross framework by incorporating additional emotional experiences like shock, emotional release, physical symptoms, hopefulness, and difficulty returning to daily life, even though many people search for the 5 or 7 stages of grief.
- Shock and denial are the initial stages of bereavement, during which the person finds it difficult to acknowledge the loss. For instance, if someone loses their job, they might carry on with their daily activities as if they were still working.
- Sadness and guilt. People may experience intense sadness and remorse if the loss becomes real. For example, a person may feel guilty about not spending more time with a loved one after their death.
- Anger and haggling. People may try to bargain with a higher power and vent their anger at themselves or others in an effort to make up for their losses. When a patient receives a fatal diagnosis, they may become irate with their doctor and attempt to obtain an extension.
- depression and reflection. This stage may be accompanied by feelings of isolation and sombre reflection. For example, someone who recently went through a divorce may feel incredibly alone after reflecting on the relationship for a bit.
- The Turn Upward. The individual starts to accept both their new life and the death of a loved one. A laid-off person, for instance, starts acclimating to their new daily routine.
- Reconstruction and Working Through: The individual looks ahead and makes preparations for the future. A person may begin making decisions on their own after losing their spouse.
- Hope and acceptance. In the final stage, the individual starts to accept their shortcomings in lesser doses and looks forward to the future with hope. A person who has lost their work, for example, accepts the situation and begins to hopefully search for new career options.
Is There Really a “Right” Way to Experience the Stages of Grief?
There is no predetermined order or duration for the stages of grief. According to George Bonanno’s studies, resilience, oscillation, and even joyous times are common throughout times of loss.
It’s a common fallacy that grief needs to be dramatic to be authentic. At times, it can be very contemplative and peaceful. Comparing your unhappiness to others’ simply makes you feel more humiliated and under pressure.
How Long Do the Stages of Grief Last?
There is no calendar for the phases of mourning. While some feelings pass after a few months, others come back to haunt you years later. Anniversaries, scents, or unplanned recollections can trigger old brain connections.
Because your brain needs to update its attachment map, healing takes time. Though this change is gradual and intensely individualised, memories eventually evoke warmth more frequently than sadness.
Conclusion
The stages of grief are not deadlines, but rather emotional changes you experience. When you stop wondering why you are not “over it” and instead examine what your mind is defending, everything changes. Grief becomes less about being weak and more about adjusting.
You’re not getting better. You’re picking up a new method of showing love. The stages of grieving are not a problem to be addressed, but a process to be comprehended. By comprehending the underlying sequence of trigger, meaning, emotion, and response, you can enhance your emotional regulation and soften your judgement.
People Also Ask
What are the five stages of grief in order?
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
How long do the stages of grief last?
The grief cycle varies from person to person and has no predetermined duration. It could take months or even years, depending on the kind of loss, coping mechanisms, and support systems. Keep in mind that it’s okay to grieve for as long as necessary, and seek professional assistance when you need guidance and support.
What are the 3 Cs of the stages of grief?
The 3 C’s of grief guide grieving:
Choice. People might accept their melancholy or repress it after a loss.
Since most people feel better after talking to someone, talks, grief support groups, and loved ones can provide comfort and camaraderie.
Continuing. Grief is an ongoing process. Although pain may never fully disappear, people can move forward with loss and honour loved ones in their own ways.
How do you know what stage of grief you are in?
Finding your loss stage involves reflection. Look for denial, disbelief, anger, frustration, bargaining, hopelessness, and acceptance in the following stages.
Is it possible to repeat the stages of grief?
These mourning stages are repeatable. Grief is rarely linear; thus, people may go through several stages before accepting. Repeating steps on event anniversaries or when reminded of the loss is common. This sorrow cycle is normal.
What are the most complicated stages of grief and loss?
Even though each stage is unpleasant, sadness is sometimes the hardest. Extreme depression and hopelessness make one feel stuck in an endless pit of despair. This can make it hard to envision a route out, making mending harder. Remember, recovery is coming.
Why does grief come in waves?
Grief comes in waves because memories and triggers activate the brain’s attachment circuits. Over time, these waves become less intense as neural pathways adjust.
Do children experience the stages of grief?
Yes, but differently. Children move in and out of grief quickly and may express it through behaviour rather than words. Their understanding of loss evolves with age.
What is the hardest stage of grief?
Due to its emotional heaviness and lack of vitality, sadness is the toughest for many. Others struggle most with wrath or denial. Personality and context determine difficulty.
What is the difference between normal grief and depression?
Normal grieving waves and provides joy or relief. Without a break, depression is heavy and bleak. Depression drains all aspects of life, but grief is particular to the loss.
Can you experience all stages at once?
Yes, you can feel several stages of grief at the same time. The stages are not linear. You might feel shock, anger, and sadness together, or move back and forth between them. This is completely normal.
How does grief affect the nervous system?
Grief causes neurological stress. It can produce fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, and “on edge” ness. Your nervous system recovers slowly as your brain processes the loss.
- Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. Macmillan. ↩︎
- Bonanno, G. A., Wortman, C. B., et al. (2002). Resilience to loss and chronic grief: A prospective study from preloss to 18 months postloss. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(5), 1150–1164. ↩︎
- APA / TherapyRoute (2025): therapyroute.com ↩︎
- O’Connor, M.-F. (2022). The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss. HarperOne.
O’Connor, M.-F., & Seeley, S. H. (2022). Grieving as a form of learning: Insights from neuroscience applied to grief and loss. Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 317–322. ↩︎ - O’Connor, M.-F., Wellisch, D.K., Stanton, A.L., Eisenberger, N.I., Irwin, M.R., & Lieberman, M.D. (2008). Craving love? Complicated grief activates the brain’s reward centre. NeuroImage, 42, 969–972. ↩︎
Written By Mehwish Qurayshi
Mehwish Qurayshi is a Trauma-Informed Emotional Wellness Coach trained through NICABM’s Treating Trauma Master Series, which includes NBCC-approved education in Trauma Treatment and Emotional Wellness. She has over five years of experience providing emotional wellness counselling, helping individuals heal from trauma, regulate emotions, and build healthy relationships.