11 Shadow Work Exercises: Examples, Prompts & How to Begin

What Are Shadow Work Exercises?

Shadow work exercises are activities inspired by Jungian psychology that encourage you to examine feelings, reactions, and aspects of yourself you find difficult to acknowledge.

They may involve writing about a disagreement, questioning an assumption, or admitting a feeling you’d normally keep private.

The term shadow comes from Carl Jung’s analytical psychology. It refers to aspects of ourselves we may reject or find uncomfortable recognising.¹

Modern shadow work exercises include journaling, written self-dialogue, reflection on recurring behaviour, and the 3-2-1 shadow process.

These exercises are forms of self-reflection, not methods proven to uncover hidden memories or treat mental health conditions.

How Do Shadow Work Exercises Work?

Shadow work exercises involve looking at feelings, thoughts, and behaviours you usually keep to yourself or find difficult to admit. The idea comes from Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow, which includes parts of our personality we may not want to recognise.

Your friends are planning a weekend hike.

You don’t enjoy hiking, but everyone else seems excited. When someone asks if you’re coming, you say yes because you don’t want to disappoint them.

Halfway through the walk, you’re tired and irritated. You complain about the weather and keep asking how much farther you have to go.

Later, you realise you could have said no. Nobody forced you to join.

You open your notebook and write:

• What happened: My friends invited me hiking, and I agreed.
• What I wanted: To spend the afternoon somewhere quieter.
• What I didn’t say: I don’t enjoy hiking.
• What bothered me: I spent the day doing something I hadn’t wanted to do.
• Next time: I’ll suggest meeting for dinner afterward.

Perhaps you often agree to plans because you worry about disappointing people. Or maybe hiking simply wasn’t a good choice that weekend.

Your notes don’t have to explain every part of your personality. They can help you remember what happened and what you would have preferred.

Does Shadow Work Help With Emotional Regulation?

A few weeks later, your friends suggest another hike.

You almost say yes again. Then you remember how miserable you felt during the previous trip.

This time, you reply, “I’ll skip the hike, but I’d love to meet everyone for dinner.”

One friend asks why you’re not coming. You explain that hiking isn’t really your thing.

You feel a little awkward, but you don’t change your answer.

Emotional regulation involves how you manage and respond to feelings, including discomfort during conversations. You may still feel nervous about disappointing someone while choosing to speak openly about what you want.²

Writing about the earlier trip may have helped you prepare for this conversation. However, that experience alone doesn’t establish that shadow work is an effective psychological treatment

Did Carl Jung Create Shadow Work Exercises?

Carl Jung introduced the concept of the shadow in analytical psychology. He used it to describe aspects of ourselves that we may reject, hide, or have difficulty admitting.³

Imagine you’ve always described yourself as patient.

At work, a colleague interrupts you several times during a meeting. You’re furious, but when someone asks whether you’re annoyed, you laugh and say, “No, I’m fine.”

Later, you complain about the colleague to someone else.

You might be uncomfortable admitting you’re angry because you’ve spent years trying to be seen as someone who never loses their temper.

Jung’s concept offers one way to examine that contradiction. Being patient doesn’t mean you never feel anger.

You could acknowledge that you were irritated and decide whether to speak to the colleague about being interrupted.

Jung didn’t create every shadow work exercise used today.

Modern shadow work journals, reflection worksheets, and the 3-2-1 shadow process come from different approaches. The 3-2-1 method is associated with Ken Wilber’s Integral framework rather than Jung’s original writings.

These exercises can give you questions to consider about your reactions. They cannot establish someone’s unconscious motives, prove that a memory was suppressed, or diagnose a psychological condition.

11 Shadow Work Exercises for Beginners and Self-Reflection

You might notice yourself agreeing when you want to say no, getting unusually upset by a comment, or feeling jealous of someone you genuinely like.

These shadow work exercises give you something to write about when you’re curious about those reactions. Some involve examining a recent conversation. Others ask you to look at feelings you’ve kept private or habits you hadn’t paid much attention to.

You can begin with a notebook and one everyday situation.

How to Start Shadow Work as a Beginner

Choose something that happened recently and feels manageable to revisit.

Perhaps you wanted to disagree during a conversation but stayed quiet. Spend a few minutes writing down what happened and answer three questions:

1. What did I feel?
2. What did I want to say or do?
3. Why didn’t I?

You may realise you were worried about upsetting someone. Or you may decide that the disagreement wasn’t important enough to continue.

You don’t need to complete all 11 exercises in one sitting. Start with one and see whether writing about it is useful.

1. Notice an Emotional Trigger

A friend cancels lunch two hours before you’re supposed to meet.

You reply, “No problem,” but you’re irritated. You’ve already travelled into town and turned down another invitation.

Later, when she messages to ask about your day, you give a short reply.

Try this emotional trigger exercise:

Write four short answers:

• What happened? My friend cancelled lunch at the last minute.
• What did I feel? Annoyed and disappointed.
• What did I do? I ignored her next message for several hours.
• What bothered me most? I’d already travelled into town.

Perhaps similar experiences have bothered you before. But the wasted journey and short notice may be enough to explain your frustration.

If you’d like to discuss it, you could say, “I know work came up, but I’d appreciate more notice next time.”

You can use the same four questions after an argument, an embarrassing moment, or a conversation you keep thinking about. If you find yourself repeatedly getting upset by particular comments or situations, the examples in our article on emotional triggers may help you compare those experiences.

2. Separate What Happened From What You Assumed

During a meeting, a colleague comments on your presentation.

“That was an interesting approach,” she says.

You smile, but later you wonder whether she was being sarcastic.

By the evening, you’re convinced the presentation was embarrassing.

Try this shadow work exercise:

Divide a notebook page into two columns.

What happened	What I assumed
My colleague called my approach interesting.	She thought the presentation was strange.
Nobody criticised the presentation.	They were being polite.
My manager thanked me afterward.	She probably didn’t mean it.

Read the right-hand column again.

Did anyone actually say those things? Are you remembering their words or guessing what they thought?

If you need feedback, ask for it directly: “Was there anything about the presentation you’d suggest changing?”

Your assumptions may turn out to be correct, partly correct, or mistaken. This is similar to emotional reasoning, where a feeling can seem like evidence that an assumption is true.

Writing your assumptions separately keeps them from getting mixed up with what was actually said.

3. Look for a Reaction That Keeps Happening

A colleague asks you to help finish a report. You’re already behind with your own work, but you agree.

The following weekend, a relative asks you to organise a family gathering. Again, you say yes before checking your schedule.

A few days later, you’re exhausted and complaining that everyone expects too much from you.

Try this exercise:

Choose two situations where you responded in a similar way.

For each one, write:

1. What was I asked to do?
2. What did I want to say?
3. What did I actually say?
4. What concerned me about refusing?

Your answers might show that you dislike disappointing people. Or perhaps you underestimate how long favours will take.

If you were afraid to refuse, practise asking for time before answering. If you underestimated the work, checking your schedule may be enough.

The next time someone asks for help, try saying, “Let me check what I’ve got on before I agree.”

If you regularly agree to things you’d rather decline, our article on how to stop being overly nice covers other situations where saying yes becomes an automatic response.

4. Examine a Trait That Bothers You in Someone Else

You’re working with someone who talks openly about her achievements.

Whenever she mentions a successful project or praise from her manager, you feel irritated.

You describe her as arrogant, although your colleagues don’t seem particularly bothered.

Try this shadow self exercise:

Write down what she did without describing her personality.

Instead of:

“She thinks she’s better than everyone.”

Write:

“She spoke about three projects she’d completed and mentioned that her manager praised her work.”

Then consider what bothered you.

Was she interrupting others or taking credit for their contributions?

Or did you feel uncomfortable because you rarely speak about your own achievements?

In Jungian psychology, projection involves attributing something of ourselves to another person. But disliking someone’s behaviour doesn’t automatically mean you secretly share that trait.

Our article on projection in communication explains the concept through other interactions.

You might decide she’s behaving unfairly. You might also realise you’ve been reluctant to acknowledge your own successes.

5. Notice the Roles You Play Around Different People

With your family, you’re the person who keeps conversations cheerful.

When relatives argue, you make a joke or change the subject.

At work, you’re more outspoken. You tell colleagues when you disagree and ask questions when something doesn’t make sense.

You might be comfortable expressing frustration in one place but not another.

Try this shadow work exercise:

Draw three columns.

Situation	How I behave	What I hold back
With family	I change the subject during arguments.	I’m sometimes angry too.
At work	I speak openly during discussions.	I worry about sounding harsh.
With friends	I make everyone laugh.	I sometimes want someone to ask how I’m doing.

Choose one answer that surprises you.

Perhaps you’ve spent years avoiding difficult conversations at home. The next time a relative asks for your opinion, you could give a short, direct answer instead of changing the subject.

For example: “I see it differently, but I’d rather talk about it without arguing.”

You don’t need to behave the same way around everyone. You can be considerate and still admit when something bothers you.

6. Write a Letter You Don’t Have to Send

Months ago, someone made a joke about your weight during dinner.

Everyone laughed, including you.

You didn’t want to make the evening awkward, but you still remember the comment.

Try this written reflection exercise:

Begin a letter with:

“There’s something I didn’t say when we last spoke.”

Then write what you wanted that person to know.

For example:

“When you joked about my weight at dinner, I laughed because I felt embarrassed. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t find it funny and didn’t want you commenting on my body.”

You might also admit that you’re angry or that you wish the person had apologised.

When you’re finished, decide what to do with the letter.

You can keep it, tear it up, or use part of it to prepare for a conversation.

There’s no requirement to send it. If writing brings up more distress than you want to handle, stop and return to something less upsetting.

7. Respond to Your Inner Critic in Writing

You make a mistake while preparing a presentation.

You correct it, but afterward you keep thinking, “I’m terrible at my job.”

Even though you’ve completed plenty of work successfully, this one mistake seems to confirm your worst opinion of yourself.

Try this inner dialogue exercise:

Write down the harsh thought exactly as it appeared.

Then answer three questions:

1. What happened?
2. Does this thought describe one event or make a judgment about everything I do?
3. What would I say to a colleague who made the same mistake?

For example:

Harsh thought: “I always mess things up.”

What happened: “I missed one important detail in a report.”

What I’d say to a colleague: “Correct the detail and check the next report more carefully.”

You can take the mistake seriously without calling yourself incompetent.

If you still feel embarrassed, write that down too. You don’t have to pretend you’re confident or replace every uncomfortable thought with praise.

If you often criticise yourself long after correcting a mistake, see our examples of reframing your thoughts.

8. Reflect on an Earlier Memory

You’re visiting friends when someone starts talking about school performances.

You remember volunteering to sing at a school event. You were excited until another student laughed at your voice.

Years later, you still avoid singing in front of people, even though you enjoy music.

Try this exercise:

Choose an ordinary memory you’re comfortable thinking about.

Write:

• What happened, as far as I remember?
• How did I respond?
• What did I think about myself afterward?
• Do I behave similarly in any situations today?

You might notice that you still feel embarrassed about singing.

That doesn’t prove the school experience caused your reluctance. You may simply prefer singing privately.

If you’re curious, you could try singing with a close friend and notice whether you enjoy it.

You can also leave the memory where it is.

Some people find that experiences of childhood criticism influence how they respond to criticism later in life, but that isn’t an explanation you need to impose on every memory.

You don’t need to revisit traumatic experiences or try to recover memories you can’t clearly recall. If a memory causes significant distress, consider discussing it with a qualified mental health professional.

9. Try the 3-2-1 Shadow Work Exercise

The 3-2-1 shadow process, associated with Ken Wilber’s Integral approach, involves writing about a person or behaviour from three perspectives: third person, second person, and first person.

Imagine your brother often raises his voice when he’s angry.

You dislike shouting and usually keep your frustration to yourself.

Here’s how you might explore your reaction.

Step 1: Face It — Third Person

Describe what happened using he, she, or they.

“He raised his voice during dinner after someone criticised his plans. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave the room.”

Include what you observed rather than guessing what he intended.

Step 2: Talk to It — Second Person

Write what you’d like to say directly to the person, using you.

“When you raise your voice at dinner, I find it difficult to continue talking. I’d rather discuss the problem when we’re both speaking calmly.”

This is a written exercise. You don’t need to give the person your notes.

Step 3: Be It — First Person

Write about your own relationship with the feeling or behaviour, using I.

“I get angry too, but I rarely tell anyone. Sometimes I act as though I’m fine and then avoid the person for days.”

Perhaps you’ve been uncomfortable admitting when you’re angry.

You might want to express irritation earlier, before it turns into resentment.

You could say, “I didn’t like what happened earlier. Can we talk about it?”

Recognising your own anger doesn’t make shouting acceptable. And feeling upset by your brother’s behaviour doesn’t prove that you’re secretly like him.

The three perspectives give you different ways to examine the situation.

10. Keep a Shadow Work Journal for One Week

You don’t have to wait for an argument or a difficult conversation to write in your journal.

Sometimes you notice something small.

Perhaps you tell a friend you’re busy because you don’t want to attend a party. You could simply decline, but you feel uncomfortable admitting you’d rather spend the evening alone.

Try this shadow journaling exercise:

Answer one prompt each evening for seven days.

Day	Shadow work journal prompt
1	What feeling did I keep to myself today?
2	When did I say I was fine even though I wasn’t?
3	What did I want but feel uncomfortable admitting?
4	Did someone’s behaviour bother me more than I expected?
5	When did I agree with something I didn’t believe?
6	What was I pleased about but hesitant to share?
7	Which answer would I like to examine further?

For Day 3, you might write:

“I wanted to spend Saturday evening at home, but I told my friend I had another commitment. I felt embarrassed saying I didn’t want to go.”

Maybe you prefer having a quiet evening after a busy week.

Next time, you could reply, “Thanks for inviting me. I’m staying in tonight, but I hope you have a lovely time.”

You don’t have to produce an important discovery every evening.

Some entries may help you explain what you want. Others may simply record how your day went.

Keep the journal somewhere private if you’re more comfortable writing without anyone else reading it.

11. Review Your Journal and Try One Different Response

After completing a few exercises, look back at something you wrote.

Perhaps a friend complimented a drawing you’d spent several evenings working on.

You immediately replied, “It’s not very good.”

You had actually been pleased with it before she mentioned it.

Try this final exercise:

Answer four questions about the situation:

1. What happened?
2. What did I say or do?
3. What was I reluctant to admit?
4. What could I say or do differently next time?

Your answers might be:

• What happened: My friend complimented my drawing.
• What I said: “It’s not very good.”
• What I didn’t admit: I was proud of it.
• What I could try: “Thank you. I spent a lot of time on it.”

The next time someone compliments your work, try accepting it without immediately listing its flaws.

You might say thank you and leave it there.

Later, if you want to write about the experience, you can describe whether accepting the compliment felt comfortable or awkward.

Not every observation needs to become a new habit. You may read an old journal entry and decide there’s nothing you want to change.

You can keep using whichever shadow work exercises you find helpful, without expecting every feeling or memory to reveal something about your hidden self.

How to Practise Shadow Work Safely

You can practise shadow work on your own by writing about everyday experiences that don’t feel too upsetting to revisit. There’s no need to begin with your most painful memory or keep writing when you’re struggling to concentrate.

Shadow work draws on Jungian psychology. Journaling may help you examine your experiences, but it isn’t a replacement for mental health treatment.

Begin With an Everyday Experience

Suppose you’ve been invited to a family gathering, but you’re exhausted after a difficult week.

You tell everyone you’re busy, even though you have no other plans.

Later, you feel guilty because you weren’t honest about why you declined.

You could write:

• What did I want? An evening at home.
• What did I say? I already had plans.
• What was I worried about? My relatives might think I was being rude.
• What could I say next time? “I’m staying home this evening, but thank you for inviting me.”

You might find that you often give excuses when you want time alone. Or this may have been one occasion when you weren’t comfortable explaining yourself.

You can leave it there. You don’t need to search for a childhood experience that explains why you declined an invitation.

What Does Research Say About Writing About Difficult Experiences?

Mogk and colleagues (2006) reviewed research on expressive writing about stressful and traumatic experiences.

The researchers identified 42 eligible randomised trials, with 30 included in their quantitative analysis. They found no statistically significant overall improvement in the psychological or physical health outcomes examined.⁴

The study investigated expressive writing, not Jungian shadow work.

You might still find that writing helps you organise your thoughts before a difficult conversation or remember details you want to discuss later. The findings don’t support a promise that writing about painful memories will improve everyone’s mental health.

There’s no reason to choose your most distressing experience just because you think it will produce a greater benefit.

Stop When Writing Becomes Too Distressing

Imagine you’re writing about an argument with your father.

At first, you’re describing what he said and how you responded. A few minutes later, your hands are shaking, and you’re finding it difficult to concentrate on the page.

Close the notebook.

You could move to another room, have something to drink, or call someone you feel comfortable talking to.

If you keep thinking about the argument afterward, there’s no requirement to finish the exercise that day.

Some people notice that they feel unsettled even when nothing upsetting is happening around them. Our article on why you can’t relax even when nothing is wrong discusses that experience in everyday situations.

Don’t Force Childhood or Trauma-Related Memories

You begin writing about your school years and remember a teacher who regularly embarrassed you in front of classmates.

You can describe what you remember without trying to reconstruct every conversation or discover details you’ve forgotten.

If the memory becomes upsetting, leave the exercise unfinished.

Shadow work isn’t a reliable method for recovering or verifying supposedly repressed memories.

If you’ve experienced abuse or trauma and want to discuss it, a qualified, trauma-informed mental health professional can help you consider an appropriate approach.

When Professional Support May Be More Appropriate

Perhaps you’ve tried journaling several times, but afterward you experience panic, flashbacks, dissociation, or distress that affects your sleep or daily activities.

Those experiences deserve more attention than another writing prompt.

Consider speaking with a licensed mental health professional who can assess your concerns and discuss appropriate support.

You don’t have to continue practising shadow work while you’re struggling with those symptoms.

You can also ask for professional support before difficulties become severe.

Common Shadow Work Mistakes to Avoid

Common shadow work mistakes include assuming you know why someone behaved a certain way, judging yourself for uncomfortable feelings, and expecting every journal entry to produce an answer.

The following situations show how those mistakes can appear while you’re writing.

1. Assuming You Know Someone Else’s Motives

During a meeting, a colleague interrupts you twice while you’re explaining a proposal.

That evening, you write:

“She interrupts me because she wants everyone to think I’m incompetent.”

You know she interrupted you. You don’t know why.

Rewrite the entry using what you remember:

“She interrupted me twice before I finished explaining my proposal.”

If it happens again, you could say, “I’d like to finish my point before we move on.”

You might later discover that she was impatient, misunderstood when you’d finished speaking, or deliberately dismissed your contribution.

Your journal can’t establish which explanation is correct.

If you regularly interpret people’s reactions as personal criticism, you may find our article on projection of insecurities relevant. It explores how personal concerns can sometimes influence what we assume about others.

2. Judging Yourself for Feeling Jealous

A friend tells you she’s bought her first house.

You’re pleased for her, but later you feel jealous when you look around your rented apartment.

You open your journal and write, “I’m a terrible friend. I shouldn’t feel this way.”

Try describing what you’re actually thinking about instead.

“I’d like to buy a home too. I’m worried about how much rent I’m paying, and I don’t know whether I’ve saved enough for a deposit.”

Now you’re writing about a concern you can examine.

You could review your finances, research local property prices, or decide that buying a home isn’t affordable right now.

You can congratulate your friend and still wish your circumstances were different.

One jealous thought doesn’t tell you everything about your character.

3. Expecting Every Journal Entry to Produce an Answer

You write about an argument with your sister.

She changed the subject while you were discussing something important, and you felt dismissed.

After twenty minutes, you’re still wondering whether she meant to hurt you.

You keep writing because you think you should reach a conclusion before closing the journal.

Instead, your final sentence could be:

“I don’t know why she changed the subject. I’ll ask her about it when we next speak.”

That’s a reasonable place to stop.

You may understand the conversation better after speaking to her. Or you may find that you remember parts of it differently.

You don’t need to turn an uncertain situation into a definite explanation just to finish the page.

4. Using Shadow Work Instead of Addressing a Real Problem

Your manager regularly asks you to finish urgent tasks just before you’re due to leave work.

You feel irritated, then wonder whether your reaction means you have a problem with authority.

You could write about that concern, but the additional workload is still there.

Check how often the requests happen and whether you’re expected to complete them outside your usual hours.

The next time your manager adds something to your workload, you could say:

“I can finish this tomorrow morning. If it needs to be done today, which of my current tasks should I put aside?”

Your manager may have a genuine deadline to meet. You still need to know which work takes priority.

If you often agree to extra responsibilities and later feel resentful, our article on constantly pouring into others’ cups discusses similar situations where your own responsibilities receive less attention.

Writing about your frustration may help you prepare for the conversation, but it won’t change the workload unless something is addressed.

Conclusion

You might begin a shadow work exercise expecting to write about one thing and end up noticing something else.

Perhaps you’re more competitive than you like to admit. Maybe you enjoy being praised but feel embarrassed acknowledging it. Or you’ve been calling yourself lazy when you’ve barely had a day off in weeks.

Other times, you’ll fill a page and still be unsure what to make of it.

Shadow work exercises can give you a place to write about feelings and behaviours you’ve kept private. You can return to a journal entry, question an assumption, or decide that a situation needs a conversation rather than further reflection.

You don’t need to find something wrong with yourself every time you write.

Choose a question that interests you, describe what happened as clearly as you can, and leave room for the possibility that you don’t have the whole answer yet.

Shadow Work Exercises FAQ

1. Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self (R. F. C. Hull, Trans.; Vol. 9, Part 2 of The collected works of C. G. Jung). Princeton University Press. ↩︎
2. Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781 ↩︎
3. Jung, C. G. (1959). Aion: Researches into the phenomenology of the self. Princeton University Press. ↩︎
4. Mogk, C., Otte, S., Reinhold-Hurley, B., & Kröner-Herwig, B. (2006). Health effects of expressive writing on stressful or traumatic experiences, A meta-analysis. GMS Psycho-Social-Medicine, 3, Doc06. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19742069/ ↩︎