A form of emotional abuse known as “traumatic invalidation” occurs when someone’s ideas, emotions, or experiences are invalidated, rejected, or ignored by close ones. This can happen anywhere, but caregivers or other individuals in positions of authority often experience it when their children are young. The effects of traumatic invalidation can be substantial and long-lasting, resulting in symptoms like shame, PTSD, and stress.

However, expressing your feelings and being invalidated or told you’re exaggerating or unreasonable might hurt. People invalidating you might lower your self-esteem and mental well-being.

Traumatic invalidation is extreme or continual social invalidation. Your feelings, experiences, and memories might be disregarded or rejected. Intentional or not, severe and frequent invalidation can produce post-traumatic stress.

Examples of Traumatic Invalidation

Traumatic invalidation can have a profound and lasting impact on a person’s mental well-being, leading to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and emotional dysregulation. Here are some examples of traumatic invalidation:

1. Dismissing Emotional Expression

Emotional invalidation is when your feelings and emotions are not recognized by your loved ones as;

• “You’re overreacting.”
• “Don’t be such a baby.”
• “You’re being too sensitive.”

2. Minimizing experiences

• “That was nothing compared to what I’ve been through.”
• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• “You should just get over it.”

3. Denying reality

• “That never happened.”
• “You’re imagining things.”
• “You’re mistaken.”

4. Blaming the victim

• “You brought this on yourself.”
• “It’s your fault.”
• “You’re overreacting.”

5. Silencing or Discouraging Communication

• “Don’t talk about it.”
• “No one wants to hear about your problems.”
• “Keep your thoughts to yourself.”

6. Disregarding Boundaries or Preferences

• “You’re being unreasonable.”
• “You should just do what I say.”
• “You’re being too controlling.”

7. Rejecting Identity or Self-Expression

• “You’re being weird.”
• “That’s not who you are.”
• “You should just be yourself.”

These instances demonstrate the variety of ways that traumatic invalidation can appear, frequently rejecting the person’s feelings, thoughts, and sense of self. A mental health expert can assist you in processing your feelings, creating coping strategies, and regaining your sense of self-worth if you have suffered from severe invalidation.

Where does invalidation come from? 

Invalidation can originate from various sources and often from a combination of factors. Here are some common contributing elements;

Early Childhood Experiences

Caregivers who disregard, reduce, or deny a child’s emotions or experiences might invalidate them. This may lead to internalised self-doubt and difficulty in recognising and validating one’s own feelings.

Relationship dynamics

 Family, friends, love partners, and coworkers can all experience invalidation. Difficulties with communication, emotional intelligence, or empathy can cause it.

Society and expectations

 Social norms may encourage invalidating actions, such as denying emotions, ignoring experiences, and suppressing marginalized voices.

Unintentional invalidation

When people fail to recognize the consequences of their words or actions, they may unintentionally cause invalidation. Cultural differences, insufficient awareness, or low emotional intelligence can all contribute to this.

 Manipulative behavior

When someone purposefully invalidates another person to establish their superiority or acquire power, it can be used as a form of manipulation or control.

Mental health disorders

A cycle of invalidating events can be intensified by some mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder, which can also make people more susceptible to invalidation.

How do we deal with traumatic invalidation?

Even though dealing with terrible invalidation may be difficult, with the proper assistance and resources, you may overcome the psychological damage and restore your identity. These actions can help you cope with unpleasant invalidation:

Accept the invalidation: The first step is to accept and acknowledge that you have been invalidated. Especially if you were brought up to think that being invalidated is common, this might not be easy. It is necessary to acknowledge the invalidation before the healing process can start.

Validate your own experiences: It’s fundamental to validate your own experiences after realizing they have been invalidated. This entails accepting your experiences, feelings, and ideas as genuine and authentic. Don’t let other people’s invalidation cause you to question your observations.

To develop self-compassion, show yourself love and forgive yourself for any errors you may have committed. Remember that invalidating others is not your responsibility.

To protect yourself from further abuse, you must set boundaries if you still communicate with the person who invalidated you. This can involve avoiding excessive contact, being clear about your needs, or not disclosing personal information.

Discover the phenomenon of traumatic invalidation. This will help you understand how it affects your life and create coping strategies. You can find information about traumatic invalidation in numerous books, articles, and websites.

Seek professional help if the effects of painful invalidation are causing you distress; a therapist can offer you the support and tools you need to heal. With the help of a therapist, you can develop coping mechanisms, process your emotions, and rebuild your sense of self-worth.

After experiencing significant invalidation, it takes time and effort to recover and rebuild your sense of self, but it is possible. With the right resources and support, you may live a better, more fulfilling life and move past the anguish of invalidation.

Takeaway Message

The severe and persistent disdain for your feelings or experiences might result in traumatizing invalidation.

Your emotional and physical health may suffer as a result. The good news is that painful invalidation is surmountable. Consider going to see a therapist or joining a support group.

FAQs about Traumatic Invalidation